In response to yesterday’s news that cops all over Britain were searching in the bushes for old tools that might be used as weapons… which we mean literally searching the bushes:

…and:

…the satirical Babylon Bee was on point with these two stories mocking what’s going on.

First up, London Mayor Sadiq Khan will “ban hands” in order to stop fistfights:

This is probably next:

But don’t give them any ideas:

Goodbye arms!

And then there’s this one, which could be actually be true:

Like this really could happen in a school in America:

Remember the pop-tart gun? The banning of the Play-Doh multitool can’t be far behind:

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