In its Olympics coverage, NBC has already described the Soviet era as a “pivotal experiment,” but that doesn’t really capture the sense of decades of communism. National Review’s Jim Geraghty has really gotten into the spirit, swapping out his avatar for something red and live-tweeting (well, tape delay-tweeting) the opening ceremonies.
Ve here in Russia experimented with Communism, but ve did not inhale. Khorosho, ve inhaled. A lot.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
In addition to "experimenting" with Communism, we trifled in totalitarianism, dabbled in oppression, fiddled with genocide…
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Ve always planned for only four rings, comrades.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
The fifth ring is the one our glorious leader Putin stole from your Robert Kraft.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Face it, Komrades, the Olympics are a lot more fun now that we're the villains again.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Don't think that ve don't hear you chuckling that ve are amateurs, Beijing.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Nyet, my Turkish friends, we did not steal your recipe for pides!
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
We are a beautiful country… that has done many ugly things.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Speaking of ugly things…
I salute you, American comrades, for reusing those all of those old quilts for your opening ceremony uniforms.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Latvia, vhy did you steal your uniforms from ze American Cleveland Browns?
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
The Netherlands uniforms, brought to you by Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
This marks the first time a long line of Germans marched in Russia to applause.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
We picked the best-looking Martian sign-woman for ourselves.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
See, Americans, we tried to appeal to you by having our athletes dress up like Santa Claus.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Ve are pleased to welcome to the opening ceremony our distinguished guest, Sauron.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Zis is, "Russian history as we want the world to think of it," resembling Mardi Gras in Candyland.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
If ze Cold War had come down to who had better stadium floor projection system, ve could have beaten you Americans.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
As all of you know, we Russians danced our way through our most turbulent times.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
And then, they all died.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Artistic depiction of mass slaughter and decades of brutality, after this commercial break, comrades!
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Communism? Well, it was mostly about farming and industry, really.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
South Korean team, how are you feeling about this tribute to the 1950s?
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Everyone hard at work, getting those missiles in Cuba.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
The late 50s, early 1960s Soviet Union was known for its dancing, bright pastel colors and electric guitar music.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
If anything marks Soviet life, it was the luxurious clothes, the rampant consumerism, the cheerful energy in the streets…
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
"A bittersweet moment as she lets go of that red balloon" (JIM BREAKS CHARACTER AND SPITTAKES)
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
The only "bittersweet note" about the end of the Soviet Union was the impact on Tom Clancy novels.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
See, he said the Olympic Games are never about erecting walls. So that explains the hotels.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
"Also, terrorists, please do not bomb anyone."
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
"And now, the ceremonial carpet-bombing of Chechnya."
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Each one of these glowing dancers represents a reactor core of Chernobyl.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Man, those dancers are spinning like a bunch of Iranian centrifuges.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
And you thought you were creative with your Christmas lights.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Then the giant lighted figures become fully operational, tear off their wires, and advance towards Ukraine.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
And now, NBC stops showing us stuff to let us know that over the next two weeks, they'll be showing us stuff.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
NBC: And now, several hours of commercials.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) February 8, 2014
Pure gold.
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