If you want to see Bette Midler smiling this Halloween — or ever — you’re just going to have to put on a DVD of “Hocus Pocus,” because she’s just not in the spirit this year, and you’ll never guess who’s to blame.

Don’t even kid about that — she’d do it.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Imagine if there were a cure for Trump Derangement Syndrome — it wouldn’t make you agree with all of the president’s policies, but it would make some room in your head where he’s been living rent-free.