Monticello is Jefferson’s home and it is now a tourist attraction in Charlottesville, Virginia. In its gift shop, they sell this mug:
It says ‘Life Liberty Happiness Coffee.’ That is obviously a reference to Declaration of Independence, where it declares that we have an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, cheekily ranking the right to coffee just below those other three rights.
On Tuesday, Esquire decided they wanted to talk about the effing communists anti-Coffee movement. Yes, apparently this is actually a thing:
A growing contingent of people says caffeine is just as potentially addictive and dangerous as other psychoactive chemicals, and that it's time we start thinking about and regulating it as such.
I write about the anti-caffeine movement for @Esquire: https://t.co/aCzg3qz9Jg
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
I interviewed @michaelpollan, the undisputed 🐐🐐🐐 of food writing, for this piece and he did not disappoint. pic.twitter.com/jMb38hAYkg
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
The article also features a 🔥🔥🔥 tweet from @shareenpathak. pic.twitter.com/xHeIuZYe1b
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
Shout out to the @esquire art team for making this excellent infographic about different caffeinated beverages and the amount of caffeine they contain. pic.twitter.com/ao5zn6ajfd
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
I also spoke with @NikkiGlaser who waxed poetic on how coffee is a cultural signifier, conferring a sense of importance and sophistication. pic.twitter.com/knghTQPM04
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
He's just like me fr. pic.twitter.com/5Bk6CckQQ9
— John McDermott (@mcdermott) May 2, 2023
Do we have to tell you that this got pushback?
Govern me harder Daddy
— ₿itcoin Wanda⚡️ (@BitcoinWanda) May 3, 2023
Come and take it pic.twitter.com/krBSuhZjsg
— 🇺🇲🏴☠️⛈️Nick⛈️🏴☠️🪶 (@intranick) May 4, 2023
Recommended
Just here for the ratio John
— Adam Singer (@AdamSinger) May 3, 2023
Well, that growing contingent of people can kiss my ass. The anti-coffee discussion isn’t one I’m willing to have. https://t.co/kpPpfd7OGn
— Brandon Darby (@brandondarby) May 4, 2023
If one person wants to ban coffee and tomorrow he convinces one other person to join his crusade, then that is technically a ‘growing contingent,’ but its still just two people.
Hey, I read this so you don't have to.
1. The "growing contingent" / "movement" is a reddit group.
2. Most of the people in the article were consuming astonishing amounts of caffeine.
3. Some people have bad reactions to even small quantities of caffeine. https://t.co/X2rl3zXu9U— Naomi Kritzer @[email protected] (@NaomiKritzer) May 4, 2023
Ban coffee and I become the Joker https://t.co/06I2LBN4B7
— Tyler 🇺🇸🇺🇦 (@Tyler_The_Wise) May 4, 2023
— DcCold (@DcCold1) May 3, 2023
Dude, I think I’d rather quit sex than give up coffee.😐
— jimrockfordatSH (@jimrockfordatSH) May 3, 2023
Why choose, though?
banning coffee is class warfare ☕️
— ✦ Thom Ivy (@thom_ivy_1) May 3, 2023
“I write about the anti-caffeine movement for @Esquire:”
Great.
I write about the anti-John McDermott movement here on Twitter.
— PhotobombingCow (@PhotobombingC) May 4, 2023
The growing contingent of busybodies can go to their nearest Keurig and pour themselves a nice hot cup of your not my supervisor with two pumps of shut the hell up for flavoring https://t.co/sMicKWLBV9
— Andrew Donaldson (@four4thefire) May 4, 2023
They will suck every single source of joy out of your life. https://t.co/Z2IguzF4cG
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) May 4, 2023
Every single one of these stupid campaigns follows the same pattern:
I personally don't like this thing ->
I've discovered/invented a health reason to dislike it ->
you should dislike it ->
there should be a status penalty for liking this ->
it should be illegal https://t.co/hL2K9OrWDS— PoIiMath (@politicalmath) May 4, 2023
Good luck coming after that one. You can get people to look the other way on genocides and crimes against humanity, but if you come after Starbucks… https://t.co/94NOROCnqU
— Melody Young (@FurYoungMelody) May 4, 2023
Come and take it. https://t.co/JKnVm8G8nO pic.twitter.com/jcbI3sAqle
— Jeff Nelson (@boldroastrev) May 4, 2023
Counterpoint: coffee is great and these people are evil and wrong.
— Christopher Elliott (@CAugustElliott) May 3, 2023
Now do the growing contingent of people who write moralizing think pieces…
— Gang Gang Green (@soupcanarchist) May 4, 2023
crushing up caffeine pills and snorting them to own whoever this guy is https://t.co/tONg9BlKQZ
— Cam Harless (@hamcarless) May 4, 2023
I am not joking when I say that there would be riots. https://t.co/sUG9xoBcyf
— P.B. Gomez (@NotoriousPBG) May 4, 2023
Do you want to kill the trucking industry? Because this is how you kill the trucking industry https://t.co/0oltwMGrCK
— GFY Industries CEO (@RebYell00) May 4, 2023
Outta my cold, dead hands, bitchez. https://t.co/bcYPLaxbr0 pic.twitter.com/7wYf51YZ92
— Taxpayer1234 #🟦 (@Taxpayers1234) May 4, 2023
Fun fact: when I had a brain haemorrhage, one of the most important parts of my treatment for the resulting headache was coffee. I’d been mostly caffeine free for months, and the coffee immediately helped.
Anyway, this article is breathlessly weird. https://t.co/Y71gBqee6z
— Zoe York (@ZoeYorkWrites) May 4, 2023
Now THIS is how you lose elections. https://t.co/PyYM0HBpoJ
— Holly Thornton 🇺🇸 (@beachmamax2) May 4, 2023
Analysis: true.
So… wait… proposed Twitchy piece: ‘Why Democrats should totally run on banning coffee.’
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