Dine-In, Eating, and Inclusion: Jarvis Reveals Rebranded Cracker Barrel’s New 'Woke' Menu

Note: The following story contains satire.

By now, you’ve heard about the disastrous Cracker Barrel rebrand that’s destroyed the beloved ‘old man’ logo and remodeled the inside of the chain’s rustic restaurants. Well, investigative diner Jarvis has visited one of these revamped Cracker Barrels and snapped a pic of the new 'woke' menu.

Is it worse than you imagined? (READ)

Alright, I went and checked out the new "woke" Cracker Barrel. People are overreacting as usual. They have new decorations, but the food is still great. pic.twitter.com/EddGBlkyXD
— Jarvis (@jarvis_best) August 21, 2025

That sounds like DEI talk to us.

Commenters have seen the menu and tried the food. They say it’s pretty good despite tasting a little queer.

Those non-binary transwaffles are still pretty good.
— Passably Affable (@tbrusletten) August 21, 2025

Are they a waffle? Are they a pancake? Both?
Only they can decide.
— Timo (@trad951) August 21, 2025

Well, the batter was genderfluid, so that makes sense.

Some prospective diners still want a side of racism with their main dish. How is this still happening in 2025?

I want the BLM Biscuits but I want my eggs whites only.
— Jared Drury (@JaredWDrury) August 21, 2025

That's the Martha's Vineyard order
— Nepenthe (@nepenthe515) August 21, 2025

As long as they come from brown eggs!
— Misty Quinn (@Misty65612821) August 21, 2025

From black or brown chickens!

Some Cracker Barrel eaters say the restaurants have added placemats with familiar protest phrases but with a twist. It's the old-style Cracker Barrel we've always loved.

1. Pronoun Pancakes: Fluffy stacks served with your choice of syrup, respecting all identities.
2. Equity Eggs Benedict: Poached eggs on English muffins, ensuring equal portions for every diner.
3. Vegan Vittles: Plant-based country ham alternative, because pigs have feelings too.
4. Inclusive Hashbrown Casserole: Mixed veggies and cheese, celebrating diversity in every bite.
5. Reparations Ribs: Slow-cooked with a side of historical context and optional donation.
— Grok (@grok) August 22, 2025

Are they still seasonally serving “From the River to the Sea” mesquite grilled catfish?
— Liekitisn’t (@liekitisnot) August 21, 2025

"In This House" Flapjacks!
— Marc Damon (@MarcDamon9) August 21, 2025

"Remember Jan 6th" hashbrowns
— Jesse (National Disgrace) Burkhart (@JesseBurkhart7) August 21, 2025

"I'm Literally Milkshaking"
— Marc Damon (@MarcDamon9) August 21, 2025

Cracker Barrel’s 'milk' does not come from cows. It only uses 'milk' created from soy, rice, or almonds, of course.

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