It’s not just gun sales that are up during the Summer of Peaceful Protests. Americans are getting their hands on another dangerous weapon of war.
The Week national correspondent Ryan Cooper has the scoop:
sales of mega-pickups, which have basically been deliberately designed to intimidate and kill pedestrians, are booming https://t.co/RpCLHH3PCE
— ryan cooper (@ryanlcooper) August 3, 2020
the trend of 6-foot grilles that create massive blind spots and pull people under to be crushed when they are hit is 100 percent a marketing gimmick pic.twitter.com/CdMKuDsL3F
— ryan cooper (@ryanlcooper) August 3, 2020
A marketing gimmick. Nailed it, Ryan. One hundred percent.
We need commonsense mega-pickup reform. We can’t allow assault trucks on our streets.
Yeah, farmers should just get around on bicycles or something. They can carry lumber and fertilizer in those little basket things. They don’t need all that fancy sh*t.
This is totally NOT deranged lunacy. No, not at all. https://t.co/eGM9nM4mEB
— Eric H. (@ericinva) August 3, 2020
Not even a smidgen.
wait, what? pickup trucks are designed to kill pedestrians? I learned something brand new today!
— Phil (@philllosoraptor) August 3, 2020
We’re fortunate to have intrepid Real Journalists™ like Ryan to keep us informed about this disturbing development.
In case it wasn’t already clear, we were being sarcastic back there. Ryan Cooper is a tool.
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Spoken like someone who has never known a blue collar worker or done a hard day’s worth of manual labor.
— DCD (@DCDude1776) August 3, 2020
Bless your heart!
The only thing I'm intimidating is my garage full of equipment that I now have ROOM to haul to work in my big ol' mean pickup truck. https://t.co/bbwQuWERnz
— Deus Ex Mushina (@MushKat) August 3, 2020
“Basically” is doing more work here than an Amish guy at a barn raising https://t.co/g7GWnh1L1o
— Aelfred The Great (@aelfred_D) August 3, 2020
To be fair, though, that Amish guy doesn’t drive a death truck.
“Deliberately designed to kill pedestrians”
Hot Take of the Week may have happened on Monday. https://t.co/kha9hDHhXR
— Smatt (@mdrache) August 3, 2020
Excuse me, what now?
This is stupid. Everything about this is stupid. https://t.co/zANZleFgPW
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) August 3, 2020
"deliberately designed to intimidate and kill pedestrians"
How do you manage to tie your shoes without killing yourself? https://t.co/OkZVBOzcWg
— Eric Spencer (@JustEric) August 3, 2020
Twitter has demonstrated that many supposedly smart people are actually stupid.
— ??? ???? (@JayCostTWS) August 3, 2020
And in case you're wondering, the prompt for this is the guy suggesting the F-150 is actually a fulfillment of some weird rage fantasy among rural folks.
— ??? ???? (@JayCostTWS) August 3, 2020
You have proof of the murderous intent of these designs, say, through internal memos or leaked results of crash tests or are you just talking our of your ass?
— Jay (@OneFineJay) August 3, 2020
We’re gonna go with the second one.
can someone do the meme with "assault rifles" with a "big truck" attachment plz https://t.co/ixMbHRbQqH
— Jessica (Fletcher) O’Donnell (@heckyessica) August 3, 2020
Ask and you shall receive:
https://t.co/1JlW4oTdqx pic.twitter.com/qFKQ5RHPkI
— Dr. Richard Harambe (@Richard_Harambe) August 3, 2020
Perfect.
But if Ryan’s really worried about assault pickups, he should take some comfort in knowing that it could be so much scarier:
I can think of so many better pedestrian control vehicles https://t.co/jObNHlIVTa pic.twitter.com/JnNI9DpTyf
— Fusilli Spock (@awstar11) August 3, 2020
Me: "I need a truck for towing stuff and hauling things."
Sales: "How often do you intimidate and kill pedestrians?"
Me: "Oh, shit – I forgot! All the time. My last truck sucked at it, though."
Sales: "You're in luck! Take a look at our PedSmasher XLT."
Me: "Excellent!" pic.twitter.com/UHj9X0iQMv— The Physically Distant Tweetle-Dee™ ☘️ (@the_tweetle) August 3, 2020
***
Update:
OK, conservatives. Time to tone down the postmodern culture war signaling and unsubtle Freudian neurosis:
hundreds of conservatives here doing their best to demonstrate that yes, huge trucks are about postmodern culture war signaling and unsubtle Freudian neurosis
— ryan cooper (@ryanlcooper) August 3, 2020
Is this satire or are you really pushing this?
— McJimbo75 (@MJimbo75) August 3, 2020
Oh, he’s pushing it, all right.
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