AP Stylebook says the term 'mistress' is no longer appropriate

The AP Stylebook alerts readers today that the term “mistress” is no longer appropriate and writers should use “an alternative like companion, friend or lover on first reference and provide additional details later”:

Don't use the term mistress for a woman who is in a long-term sexual relationship with, and is financially supported by, a man who is married to someone else. Instead, use an alternative like companion, friend or lover on first reference and provide additional details later.

— APStylebook (@APStylebook) April 13, 2021

But . . . why? Is this a gender thing?

Is this because there is no male equivalent of the word mistress? Not looking to pick a culture war battle over this word. I am genuinely asking https://t.co/MUS6WWm9KE

— Skylar Baker-Jordan (@SkylarJordan) April 13, 2021

Because none of those alternatives accurately describe what’s going on:

None of those terms accurately convey "women sleeping with a married man."

If only there were a word we could use to accurately describe such a situation….two syllables, rhymes with matress.

Ugh, drawing blanks here. https://t.co/BO1Oq9Cluz

— Andrew Kerr (@AndrewKerrNC) April 13, 2021

And “lover?” That just doesn’t fit:

seems like "companion" or "friend" would be inaccurate or needlessly vague if you're writing news, right? Plus that word "lover" … pic.twitter.com/3aYazmQ7BB

— Ellie Bufkin (@ellie_bufkin) April 13, 2021

So, what changed in a month?

AP used the term "mistress" in this context in a story published less than a month ago.

If it was ok less than a month ago, why isn't it now, @APStylebook? https://t.co/BO1Oq9Cluz pic.twitter.com/1LRvs0wuXH

— Andrew Kerr (@AndrewKerrNC) April 13, 2021

Anyway, people are offering up other alternative words. Is “goomar” okay, AP?

In 2021, women's lib is showing a little respect for your husband's goomar. It's basically written by Tony Soprano. https://t.co/4NnTCAPDkQ

— Christopher Bedford (@CBedfordDC) April 13, 2021

Or how about “adulterer”?

I still prefer adulterer. https://t.co/N61oTsrwnO

— Chris Pandolfo (@ChrisCPandolfo) April 13, 2021

“Skank and the cheating [a**hole] she’s boinking” works, too:

Fair point. We should normalize shaming both the skank and the cheating assh*le she's boinking. https://t.co/7vXvFgGIl0

— Courtney Kirchoff (@Courtneyscoffs) April 13, 2021

There are lots of choices!

Other words that work: home-wrecker, adulterer, cheater, seducer, prostitute, concubine, fornicator, kept woman, other woman…..lots of alternatives https://t.co/70RTfKIZOS

— Mary Margaret Olohan (@MaryMargOlohan) April 13, 2021

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