Usually when we come across the story of a really amazingly woke kid, it’s in the context of a child asking a question or making a statement beyond his years — and conveniently teeing up a teaching moment for the adult to share on social media.
This one’s a little different, in that it shows less of the woke kid and more of the process into making that child really amazingly woke. We’re not trying to single out the author, a “sociologist and ethnographer studying social inequalities,” as many people might prefer strangers not speak to their young children.
However, imagine you’re the person who seemingly innocently inspired this exchange. You’re really a monster and likely don’t know it.
Yesterday, a random man told my 3-year-old daughter to "Smile! C'mon smile for me!" It prompted the following exchange: 1/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
3yo: Momma, I don’t wanna smile.
Me: You don't have to, kiddo. It's your choice.
3yo: But why he said that to me? 2/— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Me: You smiling would make him happy. Some men think it's women's job to make them happy. But it's not your job. He shouldn't say that 3/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
3yo: I don't want him to say that to me.
Me: I don't either kiddo. I'm sorry he said that, and I'm sorry I didn't tell him it wasn't okay 4/— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
3yo: Why you didn't?
Me: I wasn't being brave. If it happens again, I'll say "It's her body. She can smile if she wants to." 5/— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
3yo: What I should say?
Me: You could just say "No, thanks."
3yo: But why he said that to me? 6/— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Me: I know it's hard to understand, kiddo. I wish I knew why some men think it's okay to say things like that. I'm so sorry. 7/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
I posted about this on FB, and while most friends were supportive, a few older female relatives responded with comments like: 8/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
"Asking for a smile is nice!" and
"Maybe he didn't mean anything by it" and
"She should learn to be nice to people" 9/— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Those comments upset me – especially coming from close female family members – but they shouldn't have surprised me. 10/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Generations of women were taught that it’s their job to please others, especially men. To smile and be (or look) happy all the time 11/
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Those views validate the objectification and subjugation of women. I want my daughter to know that it's her body and she gets to decide //
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
So the story does have a moral, not to mention some wicked stepsister types in the dissenting family members. It’s safe to say even if we haven’t learned our lesson, we’ve been given plenty to think about.
Thanks for posting the exchange. It's hard to teach the balance between being "polite" and not being the object of another.
— David F. Warner (@dwarnersoc) September 25, 2017
Also, we've had to work hard w/ family to say that "no, they don't have to give a hug to you if they don't want to."
— David F. Warner (@dwarnersoc) September 25, 2017
Thanks for this story! Useful to hear– especially as I try to figure out those exchanges with my kids.
— Mieke Beth Thomeer (@MiekeBeth) September 25, 2017
I struggle with teaching my kids how to be polite but also how to assert themselves. The latter seems more important– but it's tricky.
— Mieke Beth Thomeer (@MiekeBeth) September 25, 2017
Parenting is filled with so many difficult decisions. Lessons about politeness vs personal autonomy are particularly tricky to balance.
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
Thank you for this. As grandparents we've occasionally done this not realizing the implications. We won't be again. I'll see to that.
— Pharmaceutical Chex Mix ✡? (@louise___perry) September 25, 2017
Damn right you will.
Thank YOU! I so appreciate a willingness to change deeply-ingrained social habits for the good of the next generation!
— Jess Calarco (@JessicaCalarco) September 25, 2017
So, community discussion question for the commenters: is this really for the good of the next generation, or are some of those deeply ingrained social habits not quite as nefarious as they might seem here?
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Related:
Journo’s heartbreaking anecdote inspires more entries into the Big Book of Really Amazingly Woke Kids https://t.co/CjMuUPJuEM
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) August 25, 2017
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