A nice Irish fellow by the name Donatelli has a trial transcript containing 200 ways of saying, “I’m drunk,” at Guyism:

With St. Patrick’s Day almost upon us we thought it would be nice to share a little story where, if you pay attention, you can learn 200 ways to say “I’m drunk.” See how many you can slip into conversation on the 17th.

The prosecuting attorney rose, hooked his thumbs into his suspenders and asked, “Where were you on March 17?”

“I was at a bar,” I responded.

“Which bar?”

“I was at Ireland’s Four Provinces on Connecticut.”

“And what were you doing there?”

“I was out with friends.”

“Were you celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with your friends?”


“And were you drinking alcohol?”

“I was.”

“How much alcohol did you drink?”

“I had a few pints.”

“You had a few pints of beer?”


“How many pints of beer did you have?”

I paused.

“I lost count at 17.”

Gasps were heard throughout the courtroom.

The prosecuting attorney raised his voice.

“And how would you CHARACTERIZE your state of mind after 17 BEERS?”

“I was a little (1) tipsy.”

“You were a little tipsy after 17 beers?”

“I was (2) feeling no pain.”

“I would like to remind the defendant that he is under oath, and failure to tell ‘the whole truth and nothing but the truth’ in this case could result in a charge of perjury. Please describe your state of mind on March 17.”

“I was (3) drunk.”

“How drunk were you?”

“I was (4) hammered.”

“Is it safe to say you were (5) intoxicated?”


Read the whole thing, though in fact Irish folk rarely say “yes” or “no.”

Disclaimer: We at Twitchy acknowledge that not all Irish or temporary Irish for the purposes of St. Patrick’s Day people are drunk all the time.