A teenager called the police in Forest Grove, Ore., to help with a “massive freaking” spider that she said was as big as a baseball. That prompted a Canadian police department to tweet that they will not be saving citizenry from massive freaking spiders any more. You’re on your own, Kingston people! (Unless you’re being harassed by a polar bear, in which case the police will be happy to assist.)

An officer did respond to the scene and estimated the spider was about 2 inches in diameter. Modern police equipment was not necessary to handle the eight-legged perp in this case. The officer disposed of the spider with an old-fashioned rolled up newspaper, police said.

Listen to the audio of the call here.

Whoever runs the department Twitter account seems to have a good sense of humor:

Maybe the Golf Channel should consider hiring this guy (or gal). It needs Twitter help.

Update:

Editor’s note: Twitchy originally misidentified the police department that took the call about the “massive freaking” spider. An officer in Forest Grove, Ore., not Kingston, Canada, responded to the call. We apologize for the error and have corrected the post.