Brace yourselves … MSNBC’s about to blow your minds:

What? No. Way!

What would we do without them?

  • Arttie the Deplorable

    Say it ain’t so Joe.

  • Lord Fhalkyn

    THIS JUST IN: the glowing yellow ball in the sky has been dubbed “the sun.” 97% of all scientists (including dermatologists, proctologists, and paleontologists) have concluded that this sun rises in the east and sets in the west, and it generates both light and heat. Human sacrifices to appease it will commence as soon as a suitable sacrifice can be found.

    • Chevypowered

      Not yet convinced. Do you have any long term statistical data to back up your claim? If so is said claim gluten free and biodegradable?

      • DixieAngel_76

        Doubter! Denier! Heretic! 😉

        • Chevypowered

          Look I just want to know what the other “3%” of scientists feel about this.

          “The truth is out there…”

      • Lord Fhalkyn

        Sadly, no, because I discovered that, if ground up into a fine powder and inhaled nasally, it takes the place of the average Democrat voter’s brain.

    • surfdog

      M’ Lord . I have to point out if one is at the North Pole the rise east set west consensus is no longer true. Still your aforementioned proctologists all agree that MSMBC needs closer examination.

    • Hamm Sammichez

      You said yellow, that proves that you are a racist and have something against Asians!!1! And said “sun” which sounds like “son” and disenfranchises wymyn and girls and gays and transgendered and furries and moonbeams!!1! And you call yourself “Lord” which means that you are a h8r trying to ram your male-cis-gendered-homopathic-bifurcated-onomatopoeic antiquated religious beliefs on atheists and muslims and wiccians and pagans and and and… (explodes in a cloud of gibberring nonsense, slobber and drool…)

      • Grumpy

        Standing ovation!

      • Lord Fhalkyn

        *calmly gets a mop*

        • Hamm Sammichez

          You missed a spot…

    • Grumpy


    • dxsmopuim

      You can find 50 MILLION suitable sacrifices at the welfare office and 50 million more at the democrat convention.

  • TJ

    CNN going by the same narrative. Any new caucus people and any higher turn out are automatically going for Trump.

  • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

    Oh FFS….

    • BlahBlah

      Look – if you want to win, you must not lose.

      • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

        Such a game changer! Has anyone else thought of that yet? 😉

        • BlahBlah

          To my knowledge, no.

          • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

            Hmmmmm……. You could be on to something. Have you considered going into tv journalism or campaign consulting?

          • BlahBlah

            Yes! I have thought of catchy phrases. Like Yes we can! Do you like it?

          • Donald-Irredeemable deplorable

            It’s OK, but this one really impressed me the most: Jeb!
            See, by adding the exclamation point on the end, it makes Jeb look like Jedi, to absolutely NO ONE.

          • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

            Oh yes!! It’s so fresh and original!

  • Russ

    Why, hello there, Captain Obvious.

  • Unclassifiable

    You know MSNBC that is completely different from the way things usually work in Dem primaries where no matter what the turnout is the precinct captains determine the winner.

  • BlahBlah

    This is too deep for me.

  • Newportcarl

    And aren’t MSNBC’s ratings determined by viewership ?

    • journogal

      Wait…they have a viewership? Camera crew and production staff don’t count. They have to be there.

      • Newportcarl

        Sorry journogal… We have to count the cameraman. MSNBC has standards and they insist they have to have a number to have a rating. The number is two…the cameraman and Maddow’s mother

      • Unclassifiable

        Quite frankly Twitchy is their only viewership and that’s just for comedic purposes.

        • Newportcarl

  • skypilot77

    my uncle used to love me but she died

    • Slapweasel

      It rained all day, the night he left.
      The weather, it was dry.
      The sun, so hot, he froze to death.
      Suzanna, don’t you cry.

    • BlahBlah

      That’s no excuse.

  • Slapweasel

    Thaaaaaaat’s IT! We’re going ohhhhhhhhff The Grid!

    • BlahBlah

      Thaaaaaaat’s IT! We’re going baaaaaack on The Grid!

  • The_Kat ✓vilified

    Is that Martin O’Malley sniffing Hillary’s hair with a wistful look on his face?

    • Knight64

      Wig. Same difference.

  • JimS

    This is a change. When it comes to Democrat elections, normally elections are determined by whose trunk the ballots are pulled out of.

  • malclave

    You people make fun of it, but this is serious stuff.

    I mean, if real, live people actually start turning out for Democrats, how is that going to impact the living-impaired voters that make up so much of their constituency?

    • vetgal1970

      In Ohio, the living impaired only seem to care about the general election

    • Perdido

      They won’t mind.

  • lainer51

    what would us dumbasses do without those geniuses on NBC & Co? Thank God Lyin Williams is back!!!

  • Vindicated

    As usual, Ace nails it:

    Five Key Keys to Look Out for In Tonight’s Thing


    Put aside the egghead commentary: This will come down to five keys.

    1. The Expectations Game. Some people have expectations, other people have different expectations. Here’s the thing: most of those boners don’t know which way is up. The thing about expectations is that you should only expect the unexpected. That’s why most people are retards.

    2. The Trump Factor. Will Trump be a factor? The smart money says “maybe, maybe not.” Others disagree. How do you like them apples, Bozo?

    3. Issues. People have issues, but will they be able to get over their issues? I asked this question of the so-called “pundits” –most of them answered “What?” Exactly, dummies. Now shut up and go back to your miserable lives of reading books and never knowing the touch of a woman.

    4. The Enthusiasm Gap. Do you like gaps? If so, how much? Would you say you’re enthusiastic about them? If so, this campaign is all about you, no matter what the so-called “people” say. People are the worst and should be avoided unless you need sex or food.

    And finally:

    5. Turnout. Will there be turnout? And if so — who will voters turn out for? All these so-called “experts” can’t answer this one simple question. That’s why they’re assholes.

  • Kenton Clarkson

    “Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown”
    Also, John Wayne made a movie called “Big Jake”
    So if you put those 2 together you can make a hoagy with mayo but NOT mustard.
    Look it up if you don’t believe me

  • Acuda4me ✓Please!

    “That’s heavy, man. Heavy.” – Det. Ron Harris

    • Grumpy

      Caught that!

  • surfdog

    Rachel , Chris , Al and the rest probably argued for hours about how to spin that blockbuster .

  • Aparition42

    Actually, for the liberal democrat the idea that what the people want has something to do with politics is pretty shocking.

  • Donald-Irredeemable deplorable

    WOW!! Congratulations PMSNBC, your people really ARE Mensa members!! I bet THIS is going on across the country, after people heard your astounding analysis of how the winner of tonight’s caucus will be determined!!

  • Tessa from Texas

    Well, MSNBC finally reported some hard news, LOL!

  • marcus tullius cicero

    …msNBC audience….

  • DixieAngel_76

    It’s the ‘duh’ factor.

  • objectivefactsmatter

    As opposed to…polling data?

  • bobbyt1964

    They’re Leftist idiots: perhaps they believe EVERY contestant should get a similar participation prize, just like in “real life”

  • Stuck_in_Ca√→

    Captain Obvious, is that you?

  • Deplorable bill_a_bob

    The team that scores the most today will probably win this game!!!

  • Deplorable bill_a_bob

    And yet Jebra has plotted a course around all these primaries???!!!

  • Spike Team Idaho

    GAWWWD!! Where’s the tp??

  • Ratboy

    Falling man’s fate likely decided by gravity.

  • Jerry Shelton

    I thought it came down to who can count tomb stones the fastest….Dems win hands down

  • Frustrated Teacher

    Other MSNBC headlines today: “Water is WET”, “Bears DO $-it in the woods!!”, “The sky is blue”, “You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken $-it”!!

    • Dan Cochran

      And “The Pope is Catholic!” Oh wait…

  • Evie1949

    Well, duh! That is what he had – a well duh moment – that is not what is considered to be deep thinking.

  • Wanderer

    Read between the lines people. Democrats don’t just get actual people to vote for them in elections and they know it. But in Dem versus Dem the cheating balances out.

    So this is actually news to them.

  • CarnactheMagnificent

    Dems proudly illustrating the old adage “lesser of two evils”!!!