Juuuuuuuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale … a tale of Matt Yglesias at Walmart.

The Slate economics blogger recently decided that the time had come for him to work past his “lifelong near-boycott” and venture into uncharted waters: a new D.C. Walmart.

What he discovered changed him forever:

On Wednesday, after running a gantlet [sic] of political obstacles, two new Walmarts opened in Washington, D.C. And the one I visited, at least, is pretty great.

Most damningly, the store is well-staffed with friendly and helpful people who make the Safeway experience seem like shopping in a Russian customs line. The (I assume) lower pay lets Walmart hire more people. And however meager the wages may be, they were high enough that 23,000 people applied for 600 positions at the stores, meaning the people who got picked are probably pretty good at their jobs.

And not only was Walmart welcoming and not evil, but it actually had useful stuff:

No, he actually said that. Here are some more choice snippets:

And plenty of juiceboxes, no doubt.

Incredible!

Tweeter @redsteeze ran with it:

Snort. Matt Yglesias: Genius at work!

Paid to write poorly.

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Related:

Twitchy coverage of Matt Yglesias