A seven-year-old Baltimore student named Josh Welch was recently suspended for making “an inappropriate gesture.”

Inappropriate, indeed! Welch was busted for — brace yourselves — biting his Pop-Tart in such a way as to cause it to resemble a gun. The horror!

Welch said his teacher got it completely wrong, “It was already a rectangle and I just kept on biting it and tore off the top, and it kind of looked like a gun but it wasn’t.”

Welch said he was trying to shape the Pop-Tart into a mountain.

Assault Pop-Tarts! That little boy really should have known better. If only there were a list of liberal policies we could refer to in order to keep pesky kids in line and prevent another callous child from violating schools’ delicate sensibilities.

Thankfully, giving conservatives are stepping up to the plate:



For the children! Always.