On the count of three, show us your shocked faces.

Speaking last week at an event at the Carter Center, the former president, drool buckets in hand, lavished rotting heaps of praise upon the Venezuelan electoral system. In his speech, he called special attention to touch-screen voting technology (ooo! ahh!) as just one of many examples illustrating Venezuela’s superiority:

“As a matter of fact, of the 92 elections that we’ve monitored, I would say the election process in Venezuela is the best in the world,” Mr. Carter said, noting the center’s extensive work monitoring elections around the globe.

Awww … isn’t that special! Surprising no one, Carter, whose namesake organization professes to be “guided by a fundamental commitment to human rights and the alleviation of human suffering; it seeks to prevent and resolve conflicts, enhance freedom and democracy, and improve health,” went on to blast that worst of human rights offenders and democracy-quashers, the United States:

However, while candidates in Mexico and nearly every other Latin American country depend on public money to finance campaigns, the U.S. has seen an influx of “financial corruption” following court rulings that have eased the flow of private money into candidates’ coffers, he said.

“We have one of the worst election processes in the world, and it’s almost entirely because of the excessive influx of money,” Mr. Carter said.

It’s all about the Benjamins, darn it! If only the U.S. were more like Venezuela and most private citizens were living in poverty … then, our elections would never be corrupted by icky private money! Thank goodness we have dreamers like Jimmy who will work tirelessly to bring us closer to Hugo Chavez’s voter utopia.