As Twitchy reported earlier, President Obama is in the Buckeye State today, where he’s delivering a speech on the state of his reelection campai- er, the economy.

Well, at least no one’s trying to conceal the speech’s stump-iness this time around.

This is sure to be one hell of a speech, and we’ll be takin’ one for the team and covering it live here. If you’re in the mood for a little masochism, though, you can view the speech here.

CBS’s Mark Knoller offers a preview of what we can expect:


Boooooooooooooosh again!

It’s like Obama isn’t even trying anymore to conceal the fact that all of his speeches are ultimately campaign speeches.


Annnnnd we’re off!

Oh. Em. Gee. POTUS hasn’t even arrived yet, and the students are doing the wave and chanting his name. WoooooOOOOOOooo!

The president is late to his event. He must have misplaced his diamond-encrusted pocket watch.

“FOUR MORE YEARS!” In four more years, these students are still going to be living with their parents. It’s the American Dream.

Hospice nurse and mother of two Angela Shafer has taken the stage to introduce Obama.

Ms. Shafer is waxing poetic about how the president has her back. Like this, Angela?

And 17 minutes after his speech was scheduled to begin, President Obama has arrived on the stage.

White man’s overbite! This is officially a campaign speech.

Ah, the benevolent ruler.


And, right on cue, there it is: Eat the rich! Fair share!


Obama: Conservatives want the government to reduce regulations on the private sector!

We certainly can’t have that.

Also, Republicans don’t want children to be educated or for people to get jobs.

Right. Unlike the President’s plan, which was awesome.


Obama just played the Abraham Lincoln card. What a novel approach for him!

And, in another surprise move, he just took a moment to bash the free market:

But really, the government can fix everything. By doing things like building pedagogic armies!

And investing in clean energy!

President Obama just said that asking Americans to give up more of their money is patriotic. Yes. Really.

He also just told his audience not to listen to any of the mean stuff the lying liars will say about him in campaign commercials.

Obama: “I will work with anyone, in any party, who believes that we’re in this together.” Except for that guy. And that guy. And all those guys over there.

It’s over. Man.

You said it, Ari.


Here’s what people actually affected by the economy are saying:


Rut-roh …


Ooo! Ooo! And don’t forget, guys! Now that POTUS is finished with his stumpage, David Axelrod is taking your questions. Mwahahahahaha.


Oh, and in case you’re curious as to what’s on the docket for the Lightbringer post-speech:

Hope he’s not late!

Yeah, well, sorry Ohio. Community college students and working mothers can’t afford to spend $40,000 to sit next to Carrie Bradshaw? Sucks to be you.