As Twitchy reported, New York Times op-ed columnist Maureen Dowd recently shared her experience with a pot candy bar. Readers reveled in imagining Dowd getting spectacularly blazed, but as it turned out, there was something even better brewing in the mind of tweeter Sarah Jeong.
Which other NYT columnists would you like to see write about getting high?
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Jeong answered her own question:
the only answer is Thomas Friedman
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Oh. Yes.
who wants to hire me to write a parody of Thomas Friedman having a bad trip
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Paul Krugman having a bad trip would be pretty funny too but where’s the writing challenge in that
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
it would be legit difficult to make a man who already makes zero sense sound like he’s high as a kite
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Ha! Good point. Fortunately, Friedman proved to be a suitable — and thoroughly entertaining — target.
Thomas Friedman eats brownies with his daughter’s roommate at Yale
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Hypothetical hilarity ensued. Behold:
Reminds me of the last time I visited Thailand. What a country! What a place! Full of life, and moisture, like this brownie
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Kids these days don’t eat brownies like we used to in the old days. The brownies of our time were unicycles. These brownies are *tricycles*
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
But tricycles are obsolete. Or are they? One thing I’ve learned from my many travels that obsolete is the new cutting edge.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
You know, I don’t think that brownie was very strong. I’ll have another.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Countries with McDonald’s don’t go to war with other countries with McDonald’s! Until they did. I could sure use some McDonald’s right now.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
The world is flat. 2.0. Everything is flat. The floor is flat. The walls are flat. I am flat. **Please stop looking at me**
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Silicon Valley is like an upside-down-reverse Venezuela and it won’t stop watching me from the shadows
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
I wish I could stop falling through this couch. It can’t be helped. If there's a lesson we should all take away, it’s this: China.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
We were all Syria, all along.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
**mustachioed silence**
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
*very quietly* Can I have some water?
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Water is like capitalism. It covers 80% of the globe and we hardly notice it until it kills us with its rising tide.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Which brings me back to Thailand, and the (*overpronounces*) Songkran water festival. It’s a beautiful metaphor for the American Recovery.
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Having water thrown at me while I was trapped in a tuk tuk was the exact same thing as the financial crisis. Oh god I wish I could breathe
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Are you there? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Am I even talking? My mouth is made of spiders
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
*tries to tear mustache off face*
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
*curls up in fetal position, whimpering*
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 4, 2014
Annnnnnd … scene.
The reviews are in, and unsurprisingly, they’re glowing:
This evening I learned about @sarahjeong's twitter account and I'm glad I did. This is the best: https://t.co/08nG6WiUaK
— ryan sutton (@qualityrye) June 4, 2014
https://twitter.com/joshua_eaton/status/474182383307341824
https://twitter.com/roqchams/status/474200083387269120
So far, the best response to Dowd's idiotic edibles column: https://t.co/uwrsexGIlV
— Kathleen Boland (@kp_boland) June 4, 2014
Funniest response to Maureen Dowd's bad trip Op-ed.. Re-imagined a Thomas Friedman column. Brilliant: https://t.co/eCeeBsdq46
— Staying Home Michael J. Casey (@mikejcasey) June 4, 2014
https://twitter.com/ldattaro/status/474192541655785472
https://twitter.com/loisbeckett/status/474184022268985344
https://twitter.com/twkovach/status/474190392535965697
https://twitter.com/abumuqawama/status/474024505128411136
https://twitter.com/CharlotteNB/status/474189539054215169
“@sarahjeong: I made the Thomas Friedman column a custom timeline: https://t.co/11yX6sI673” <– This. Wins. The. Internet. Today.
— Jeff, Human Captial Stock (@jeffreyThomson) June 4, 2014
Let us all bow our heads in silent tribute to the brilliance of @sarahjeong. https://t.co/9vduWRQ27O
— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) June 4, 2014
.@gabbystern Must give kudos to @sarahjeong. She made my day.
— Staying Home Michael J. Casey (@mikejcasey) June 4, 2014
https://twitter.com/BecketAdams/status/474194228885864448
Encore! Encore!
***
Related:
New tone: Thomas Friedman likens GOP to Hezbollah
Reefer madness: Maureen Dowd shares her experience with pot
‘For the love …’: The most bizarre detail from Maureen Dowd’s pot candy freak-out