Take heart, Washington, D.C.! Relief is just around the corner, thanks to the competent leadership of Mayor Muriel Bowser.

All right! Great news!

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Congrats, D.C. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s getting closer every day.

Break out the party hats if you haven’t already:

No more need to show proof of vaccination to get into places! Kids still have to wear masks in school! Common sense wins out at las— wait a minute … kids still have to wear masks in school?

Surely that can’t be right … right?

She’s really doing this.

The cruelty is the point. The cruelty has always been the point.

Muriel Bowser will see to it that as many of her city’s residents suffer as much as possible. If she rules like a little dictator, the people of D.C. will have to look to her for salvation.

Meanwhile, if you’ll excuse her, she has a party to get to.

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