Today, journalists confirmed that Conan the Hero Dog is, in fact, a girl (before DoD officials confirmed that Conan the Hero Dog is, in fact, a boy). We’re honestly not sure what sex Conan is (apparently nobody knows that there’s a pretty easy way to tell the difference between males and females).

But at least one person was more than happy to learn that Conan is a girl. That person tweeted out a quintessentially Resistance-y take and when @neontaster saw it, he couldn’t pass up the chance to have some fun:

Here were some of the guesses:

Good guesses, all. But there can only be one … and his name is Bill Kristol.

Guys:

Wherever the line between reality and parody was, Bill Kristol crossed it ages ago. There’s no coming back from this.

Not sure what Bill’s gonna do if it turns out that Conan is actually unequivocally male. He might literally just explode.