Everybody can calm down now. It turns out we’ve been looking at this whole socialism thing all wrong. See, when socialists say they want to do away with private property, they don’t actually mean they want to do away with the kind of private property that’s private and property.

Here, let the official Socialist Party Twitter account explain:

It’s all good! Just don’t exploit others and you’ll get to keep all your stuff! That’s what real socialism is, guys. You know, the kind that’s never been tried.

Don’t worry — they know what it means. They’ll just never be honest about it.

Oh, snap!

“Taken freely from shops.”

There they go again … when socialism doesn’t deliver the goods, so to speak, it’s because capitalism messed everything up.

Allllrighty then.

Huh?

Honestly, if the Socialist Party didn’t already exist, we’d have to invent them.