We thought about writing this piece entirely in Russian but ugh, that would take all damn day and really, who has time for that? Although it would be hilarious to watch Ron Perlman spin his wheels and insist that proves Putin is footin’ the bill for us while we make fun of him but yeah … no.

But we WERE able to write part of our headline in Russian, that first little bit actually means, ‘Stupid head!’

Hey, we can be educational here on Twitchy too.

Protected by Obama? OMG. Tell that to Ukraine.

Hey, would someone send this YouTube video to Ron? He’ll think it’s Russian propaganda if we send it … HA HA HA

In case you can’t stand to listen to Obama’s voice (been there), this is the important part of what he said.

But sure, tell us more about how Obama was protecting us from Putin.

Protecting us with a bunch of flexibility apparently.

And yet he accuses us of being big ol’ mean Russians.


Editor’s note: We tried to figure out a way to change our bylines to sound more Russian-y, but sadly Samisov Jannev didn’t sound as rad as Sam J. 


How do you say, ‘Your mom’ in Russian? Ron Perlman makes HILARIOUS claim about Twitchy (he’s onto US!)