In case you’ve been, you know, immersed in work or world affairs or life outside the orbit of anyone under 18, you probably haven’t heard that teen pop star Zayn Malik has quit the British boy band One Direction.

Distraught fans, half in jest or maybe not, are tweeting America’s celebrity president to take action.

We’re sure President Selfie Stick McHollywood will get right on it, kids.

‘Til then, here’s your consolation prize.