She’s not alone.
Sometimes real life is hard. You see, the nightmare-inducing Miley Cyrus reality just won’t end:
You know who else had lot of tweets about him? Hitler RT @MileyCyrus Smilers! My VMA performance had 306.000 tweets per minute.
— The Dishonorable DJT (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 26, 2013
Sydney Leathers just texted Miley Cyrus, told her to "take it down a notch."
— jon gabriel (@exjon) August 27, 2013
Heh.
Twitter users needed an escape. For a change of pace and a way to try to end our long national nightmare, they had some fun with #thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies. First up, Iowahawk:
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies Matt Damon is employable
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies tornado vs Helen Hunt, and Helen Hunt is supposed to be the good guy
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies men enchanted by the beauty of Sarah Jessica Parker
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies George Thorogood getting paid for music
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies 8 year old children making 1995 pop culture wisecracks
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies trick variable-length bedsheets that only expose male chests
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies right wing college administrators
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies Evil villains build massive subterranean lairs with 500 henchmen without single visit from OSHA
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 28, 2013
Hilarious.
National Review’s Jonah Goldberg got in on the mocking action:
Morgan Freeman has indisputable moral authority. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
Small town kids are fantastic break dancers when the reverend finally lets them dance for the first time. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
No one notices that a high school girl is crazy hot until she lets down her hair and takes off her glasses. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
Street walking hookers have hearts of gold — and all their teeth. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
Corporations profit by poisoning their customers and have lavish budgets for hit men and wet-work teams. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
Keanu Reeves says something really smart. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
German Nazis have British accents and only speak a few phrases in German. #thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
@JonahNRO oddly enough it's the simplest words– Ja, Mein Herr. Otherwise their english is impeccable.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Or Irish beat cop RT @DostoevskyGhost Sean Connery, with a Scottish accent, is a Soviet submarine captain. #thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
Giggling madly! And then Ace of Spades took on the hashtag as only he can, with some help from fellow Twitter users:
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies a wife realizes her husband is cheating because there's lipstick on his collar
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Seriously. Does every movie mistress have some kind of facial tic that causes her head to loll about all willy-nilly? Or a strange collar fetish?
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies a guy's car gets stolen and he sorta ambles into the street and says "Hey that's my car!"
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies when detectives are stumped, going through old files in desperation, the third one is always a breakthrough
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Like:
What about Santucci?
–He's dead.
Fantuzzi?
–in prison.
What about Salvatore Grangia?
–whoa… didn't the witness mention a "Sal"?— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ vegetables sticking out of the top of grocery bags. #thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies
— John Ekdahl (@JohnEkdahl) August 27, 2013
@JohnEkdahl and one loaf of bread. Celery + bread are big in movies. I guess they all make stuffing every night.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
It’s Thanksgiving every day!
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies when someone has audibly hung up a phone people keep saying "hello? hello?" into an obviously-dead line
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
they do that for like five minutes. Like they've never used a phone before and think the disconnected signal means "Be right with you"
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Dial tone immediately kicks in after other party hangs up phone. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) August 27, 2013
@JonahNRO maybe if I tap down on the rocker a bunch of times it will make the line re-engage
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies if anyone's at the 5th floor or higher, someone is going out a window. This doesn't really happen in real life
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
or at least not with such "someone's DEFINITELY going out that window!" regularity.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
no hero every punches the villain until he's just AT the window, but not through it. No, they always deliver that last punch.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies the bad guys always let the heroes live, but the second the GOOD guy has the bad guy by the window, OUT YOU GO
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
just watching movies you'd think that Villains really respect the value of human life and that Heroes kind of like to murder people
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ
1. Walks away from building
2. Big ass explosion from building
3. Doesn't look.#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies— Arthur Kimes (@ComradeArthur) August 27, 2013
Bond: Okay Goldfinger, now you die.
Goldfinger: Dude, I let you live like eight times.
B: Out the window, fattie.
G: You're such a dick.— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies TV shows and movies do not exist in serious movies; but they often exist in comedies.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies Exception: French films and woody allen dramas where movies EXIST TO DEATH
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies Your best friend either dies halfway through or is else revealed to have been The Villain All Along
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies when you're about to make it with a chick, she actually unbuckles your belt for you #doesnthappen #Iwish
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ sometimes she tries and then says, "I can't do it, it's all backwards from my perspective, could you…?" that the best-case.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies You win back your Dream Guy when you give a humiliating Confession Speech before a large audience of strangers
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies People on first dates have Indian or Mexican food. #rookiemistake
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Oh dear.
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies the girl is commitment-phobic and just won't get close. The guy is ready for the Fairy Tale.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
No but seriously in Rom-Coms it's a standard trick to have the male and female character switch their usual roles in respect to that.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Looks like Ace will need to teach Hollywood producers the facts of life like he did Amanda Marcotte!
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies You can learn an entire semester of material (that you blew off) in one montage of a Tears for Fears song
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
furthermore, most of this "Study" actually consists of laughing with your love interest and playing pranks on your uptight roommate
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies The roads are clear enough to have a car chase in LA.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
And Ace ends with a snort-worthy kicker:
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies Whoopie Goldberg
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
Ha!
But wait … there’s more!
#ThingsThatOnlyHappenInTheMovies this whole movie fits the hash tag pic.twitter.com/vLsDM0hCZM
— #FatLifeForLife (@TimmyTheTugBoat) August 28, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies you wake up from a coma and channing tatum's your husband
— crapulet (@fieryboobs) August 28, 2013
The fat geeky kid gets the prom queen. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) August 28, 2013
Alec Baldwin seems smart.#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) August 28, 2013
People have no problem having a conversation on a New York City sidewalk #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies Wichita, a city of 400,000, is shown as a giant farm field.
— Megawatt Herb Drench (@mdrache) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies Meg Ryan sleeps with Billy Crystal.
— Megawatt Herb Drench (@mdrache) August 27, 2013
On cocktail napkins. RT @bdomenech: Elizabeth Shue invents cold fusion. #thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies
— John Ekdahl (@JohnEkdahl) August 27, 2013
@JohnEkdahl @bdomenech …which she keeps in her bra, with her breasts.
— Everyone's Famous (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 27, 2013
#thingsthatonlyhappeninmovies Men only show pain from rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab/rag touching their tiny cuts.
— Carlton Hinds (@methuselaschild) August 27, 2013
And for the win:
Liberal policies that work. #thingsthatonlyhappeninthemovies
— Hair (@SHannitysHair) August 27, 2013
Fantasy, indeed!
Related:
‘Know why men like boobs?’ Ace teaches Amanda Marcotte the facts of life with hilarious results
Full Twitchy coverage of Ace of Spades
Full Twitchy coverage of Iowahawk
Full Twitchy coverage of Jonah Goldberg
