Killer boobs? Was she wearing a high-capacity magazine bra? Or “magazine clips,” as President Obama would say. A woman in Washington state recently smothered her boyfriend with her killer rack, in a drunken brawl, reportedly.

Twitter was buzzing with the boob-y news. Is it time for a waiting period for bazongas?

Simple motorboating, or something more sinister?

Others rally to ban these deadly assault breasts, which seem to be increasingly falling into the wrong hands.

It’s an epidemic; it is happening in Germany, too!

Don’t hold your breath for an answer from Piers. It takes him hours and hours to come up with rejoinders. Plus, he’s far too busy madly crumpling paper in a fit of hissy. Oh, no! That’s ammunition: You can stuff bras with that.