Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) is fighting for the “soul of America.” Cue scary music suitable for absurd scare tactics. You see, he is going to rid America of the scourge of death and make us all immortal.

With umbrellas.

Magic umbrellas.

Don’t worry, ladies. He is also here to protect you from, well, his own lies.

Back-room abortions and banned birth control! Drink!

Hope he at least makes some sparkly magic umbrellas for the ladies!