Dan Rather has surfaced to make the rounds hawking his new book. Get ready for media swoonage and a Better Than You ™ self-admiration society!

Fake but accurate! Or something. Plus, it’s all the fault of you damn kids. Get the heck of his lawn. And cut your damn hair.

Stinky new media is ruining everything! Like Dan Rather’s reputation. How dare they smear people with facts!

Also, y’all have to stop being so meany pants to President Obama, whippersnapper H8Rs.

This Twitter user is already a tad fed up with all the media swooning over Mr. Rather and his quest to prop up himself while putting everyone else down.

He can’t help it. It’s called media-itis. The most prominent symptoms are feeling better than everyone else, complete bias and unabashed shamelessness.

Let it go, Dan. Bitter at being caught is not a good look for you.