Oh dear.

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd didn’t just binge on a caramel-chocolate marijuana edible and share her tale with the world.

Here’s what happened as the “panting and paranoid” Dowd “lay curled up in a hallucinatory state for the next eight hours” (emphasis added):

I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans and staring at the exposed-brick wall. As my paranoia deepened, I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me.

Worse? No one told her not to wear “green corduroy jeans.”

Please tell us she hallucinated those pants. Please.

Coming soon?