Did anyone really expect us to resist a pitch that mentioned Oprah’s penis dress?

We’re only human!

Back in the 80s, ex-chef Paul Charles Dozsa had a thing for “succulent” and expensive meals. Paying for those meals? Not so much.

Thankfully, the Internet never forgets. Behold the most gentlemanly drunken dine-and-dash arrest evah!

Partial transcript:

Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest…. What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Oh, that’s a nice headlock sir! Oh! Ah, yes. I see that you know your judo well. All right. And you sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis? How dare … get your hands off me. Ta ta and farewell!

Mr. Dozsa reportedly died in 2003, but the inspiration lives on: