Unable to perfect the art of the “Jedi mind meld,” President Obama signed the order that ushered in Sequesterpocalygeddon on Friday. With one signature, an estimated 170 gajillion jobs disappeared and Capitol janitors readied themselves for a life of cannibalism.

It’s strange, but we’re having trouble locating any reports of rivers running red with the blood of innocents. Were the prophecies wrong?

Reporter Jamie Dupree read the 83-page report from White House Office of Management and Budget so you don’t have to. Here’s his complete rundown on the sequester cuts. Read his tweets, then check out Jamie Dupree’s Washington Insider.

Dupree picked up again on Saturday morning with a line-by-line detailing of the automatic cuts.

Are you wearing your panicked face?