Good question! We’re pretty sure conservatives became all about diamond crappers for old dudes shortly after they began lobbying to outlaw tampons and the Dollar Menu.

But we’re no experts, Adam. Maybe you should check in with your Hollywood pals for insight into wealthy people who advocate policies that hurt the poor — you know, the ones who shelled out $40,000 a plate to hear President Obama confirm that they’re “the ultimate arbiter of which direction this country goes.”

Oh, and give our best to Warren Buffett and George Soros. Let ’em know the Treasury is still waiting for their patriotic gifts.