President Obama’s creepy #ForAll cult won’t admit just anyone. There are standards! And requirements!

Sure, you could tweet a terrifying zombie-faced pic of your Sharpied hands grasping your chest, but not everyone has the clammy looking skin and cold, vacant eyes of Jim Messina and David Axelrod … yet. Cult membership has its privileges, you know.

But no worries. Even if you aren’t the stuff of childrens’ nightmares, there are plenty of ways for starry-eyed Julias, media lapdogs and aspiring cradle-to-grave slaves to pledge allegiance to the creepy flag of Obamerica.

Easy peasy cult admission!