To be accurate, the president’s statement about the developing Secret Service prostitution scandal was actually probe-free:

“I expect that investigation to be thorough and I expect it to be rigorous. If it turns out that some of the allegations that have been made in the press are confirmed, then of course I’ll be angry,” he said.

But headline writers at CNN and The Australian couldn’t resist baiting lovers of double entendres into tweeting and linking their coverage. It’s a good thing Obama didn’t ask for investigators to conduct a “vigorous” and “lengthy” probe. All. Night. Long.