A report by the New York Times has uncovered a major piece of news: The president of the United States likes to eat seven almonds before he goes to bed.

Here is the money quote from the report:

To stay awake, the president does not turn to caffeine. He rarely drinks coffee or tea, and more often has a bottle of water next to him than a soda. His friends say his only snack at night is seven lightly salted almonds.

“Michelle and I would always joke: Not six. Not eight,” Mr. Kass said. “Always seven almonds.”

Allow the media gushing to begin.

This is a very important report. We owe the Times so much for being the mechanism by which the American people can ensure that Obama is not deviating from his set amount of almonds each night.

Furthermore, who eats seven almonds as a snack?

Ha.