This is what counts as “BREAKING” news at USA Today?

Probably because of global warming, right?

Other rodent-related coverage this morning from the hotel industry’s paper of record:


  • Doc Farmer✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    It’s all TRUMP’s fault, I tells ya…

    It’s all CRUZ’s fault, I tells ya…

    It’s all RUBIO’s fault, I tells ya…

    It’s all HILLARY’s fault, I tells ya…

    It’s all BERNIE’s fault, I tells ya…

    It’s all MEGYN’s fault, I tells ya…

    [please circle or delete as appropriate…]

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      It’s all SOL’s fault, I tells ya…

      • Kevin Giltrud

        Where’s Monty Burns “Sun Blocker” when it’s really needed?!!!

    • Joe Burns

      Why did Punxsutawney Phil cross the road?
      Because it’s Bush’s fault and you’re a racist!

      • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

        It’s the obvious answer, isn’t it?

      • dago4red

        aye aye, Joe!

      • JohnFLob

        He wanted to get away from the crowd of crazies.

    • dago4red

      How quickly they forget. “W” is the root of all evil , TA-DUM-DA, Take my wife, Please!! The other night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got there, I’ll never know!

      • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

        Thanks, folks, wasn’t he great? He’ll be here all week. Try the veal, tip your wait staff…

  • Doc Farmer✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    We have thousands of satellites taking measurements of every square kilometer of this planet.

    We have super-computers doing billions of calculations per second.

    And we rely on an over-‘rhoided rat to predict the weather.

    Please, God.

    Kill me now…

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      The Science is Settled!
      Now settle down and make some frozen daiquiris will ya?

    • Lord Fhalkyn

      Here, have some kool-aid. And while you do, might I interest you in some indulgences carbon credits?

    • PeterRouse

      Groundhogs are marmots not rodents!

      • dago4red

        A rose (rat) by any other name is still a rose (rat)

      • JohnFLob

        I thought Marmots was a Motel/Hotel chain.

        • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

          No, the full name of the chain is Marmosetts…

      • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

        So, that makes a difference in how you cook ’em?

        I’m asking for a friend, yeah, that’s the ticket…

    • dago4red

      Send me your address. If we can allow a two legged rat to occupy the White House for 8 years, what’s wrong with an overgrown 4 legged rat telling the weather. Meteorologists are wrong more often than not anyway!

      • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

        Phil has an error rate of greater than 50%.

    • Ted C

      It’s just a fun tradition dude. Relax.

      “over-rhoided rat”?

      • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

        I know, I’m just havin’ a bit of fun. What I found REALLY disturbing, though, is that other states have their own official weather predicting rodent. New York, sure, you expect that kind of thing from them, but Michigan and Ohio? Wow, that’s a bit too close to home for me…

        Yeah, I’m kinda proud of the “over-rhoided rat” line, m’self…

  • Doc Farmer✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    THIS JUST IN!!! Three of the super-secret 22 e-Mails were known to have been sent to one [email protected]

    • TugboatPhil

      I think he’s on gubmint payroll. [email protected]

      • dago4red

        No doubt he has an obama phone with the joint chiefs on speed dial.

        • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

          I hear Phil’s in trouble, now that they found he was running a second backup server for Hillary Clinton…

    • Penny✓ItsSoFluffy! #GoBolts!

      That’s why de Blasio killed him. Yeah, I know it wasn’t Phil, but the message was pretty clear…

  • grais

    I only want to know that DeBlasio was prevented from killing another groundhog.

  • Paul V

    My dogs predict a long stretch of winter yet to come. We are having a blizzard and when I let them out of the shop this morning, the husky and the blue heeler looked at the weather and came back in. Both gave me a dirty look to boot. It didn’t take for them to take care of business.

    • Grumpy Granny

      If your husky wouldn’t stay outside, we know it’s BAD.

  • Chris Carter

    I’m wearing short sleeves right now and we needed to check with a rodent about the winter?

  • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

    I really needed an overgrown rat to tell me summer in Texas is going to be hotter than Hell’s brazen hinges. Thanks, Phil.

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      If you really need one, I might have a spare living under an outbuilding. They’re kinda fun to watch in their own little lifer bureaucrat way.

  • BlahBlah

    At least De Blasio didn’t kill him. So I guess this year is a win.

    • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

      For the rat, anyway.

    • Lord Foggybottom

      Well, socialism is a slow death. Give him time.

      • BlahBlah

        Enough time for you to clear out the guest room for me. I’ll bring bacon.

        • Lord Foggybottom

          Roger that! It’s 79º and sunny…

    • Doc Farmer✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

      Actually, the groundhog still has to finish filing on, so he could die of boredom yet…

  • TugboatPhil

    Ahhh! Groundhog Day! Time for me to give my traditional groundhog hug!

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      Ah… It’s good to see you Phil…

  • D H

    Hillary did see Bernie’s shadow, so we have 6 more weeks of Hillary

  • Fingolfin

    And when he “predicted” an early spring all those times before it was global warming too right?

    • Cärlös Dängër ✓certifiable

      And when he predicted prolonged winter, it was evidence against? Stupid rodent keeps contradicting himself. I wonder who paid him off this year. The whole official groundhog ceremony bit is a little odd, anyway.

  • Arttie the Deplorable

    I’m not seeing my shadow either. Of course the sun is not up yet. Is that an omen?

  • kennyraisin

    “She makes sounds like a chipmunk”.

    • TugboatPhil


      • kennyraisin

        That’s her!

  • kennyraisin

    “I think he might be ok.” (Explosion) “Ok, well maybe not now.”

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      “”I think he might be ok.” (Explosion) “Ok, well maybe not now.””

      That calls for a little A/V accompaniment on this fine winter’s morn…

      • kennyraisin

        Love that little guy.

      • TugboatPhil

        “He might be OK.”

        “Well, no, probably not now.”

        • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

          I hate that scene… Poor old pickup truck.

          Now I’m going to have to find another Rodney masterpiece to get it outta my head. This will do.

  • Maxx

    Hey rodent…you want to really inspire people to change? Steal some pizza like your brethren.

    • whatev…✓ yo’self.

      I got the tattoo because Pizza Rat really speaks to me.

  • tops116 ✓Quipper

    • algonquinmatt

      24th anniversary of the filming of Groundhog Day in Woodstock today!

    • mrs_oerebts

      This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You’re hypocrites, all of you!

  • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

    Weather casting ROUS? I don’t believe they exist.

  • almarquardt

    Sheesh. They all act as if Phil has never before in the history of Groundhog Day seen his shadow.

    • TugboatPhil

      I saw mine just last year.

  • American

    Because, an “early Spring” has never happened before in the History of the Earth.

  • D H

    I didn’t see my shadow today either – then again, it’s cloudy in Chicago

  • Kevin Giltrud

    Was Phil in a cage or Hamster Ball when this Earth shattering event took place?

    Is Phil still alive and breathing?

  • Lord Foggybottom

    Interesting. I always believed you couldn’t see your shadow outside because of CLOUDS.

    • Doc Farmer✔ᶜᵒᵛᶠᵉᶠᵉ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

      My Lord! We ‘ave found a witch, may we burn ‘im?

  • schveiguy

    I’m enjoying another 50 degree day in the northeast. Keep pumping out those carbons, people.

  • globalcrap

    So now America has a new O Bogus global warming “scientist” working for them, and for free, and no education required.

  • The Marathon Man

    And my neck of the woods is supposed to get 8-12″ of snow today. Whatevs.

  • nc ✓s & balances

    I just heard that Punx Phil’s accuracy record over the last 15 years is around 50% or a little less. Kinda like flipping a coin. Or believing in global warming.

    • Elizabeth Fisher

      You mean like how they flipped a coin last night in Iowa to decide the Democrat presidential nominee?

      • TexSizzle

        And the Hildebeast won 6 flips in a row to win.. It sounds like they are still trying to crown her the winner.

    • Tommycat

      Actually he’s only been right 38% of the time. Statistically a coin gets it right more often… Except those Hillary coins..

      • nc ✓s & balances

        You mean those coins with Hillary as “heads” and Bill as “tails?”

        • Tommycat

          Bringing Bill into it brings new meaning to “Heads” or “Tails”

          I know, I know.. I’ll be in the corner if anyone needs me….

  • vetgal1970

    I’ll just leave this here

    Groundhog Day 2016: Buckeye Chuck predicts more winter, Punxsutawney Phil sees an early spring

  • Karla1953

    So did this groundhog survive or did someone drop him as well…………………#Groundhoglivesmatter

  • Jerry Shelton

    More Gun Control is required here.
    Oh Wait we are talking about spring…
    Yeah Climate Change.
    I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right the first time….Can I get 6 more tries…

  • Lyle Petersen

    “Don’t drive angry.”

  • Archons

    Why should I care about the weather in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania?

  • Acethepug

    Amazing. Last year, the “polar vortex” was proof of this modern-day Indulgences scheme. Now, with weather quite a bit milder, THAT’S proof?

    So, basically, to the Left, ANY change in weather is proof of manmade climate change, consistency and rationality be damned?

    I wish they would at least come out and SAY that, and be honest as to what it means (that they want more money and more control of the lives of the great unwashed).

  • Tommycat

    it was 37 this morning in Phoenix, AZ… Next week that whole area will be covered in another snow storm. But sure, trust a rodent to predict Global warming… And he’s been soooo accurate in predicting the weather….

    Come to think about it, with a 38% accuracy rating, maybe he should be the one promoting Global Warming…

    Seriously a coin is more accurate.

  • Tigerspike

    I walked my oldest to school in snow.

  • © Sponge

    There are people out there who don’t believe in global warming, but believe a groundhog can predict the weather. #GroundhogDay
    — Mike Zacchio (@Zacchio_LoHud)

    Hopefully sarc, otherwise, you stoopid…..

  • MarciaTheMurkyMuse🌠 Variegated

    A Riddle
    Q: “What do you get when you cross a very, very tall athlete with a groundhog?”
    A: “Six more weeks of basketball.”

  • TexSizzle

    In honor of Ground Hog Day, my wife and I had sausage burritos for breakfast.

  • coolercoleman

    Phil was getting death threats from the Obama administration.

  • mrs_oerebts

    Ned? Ned Reyerson?

  • Wanderer

    That’s right. A groundhog goes for it and that makes it smart.

    Somehow this makes sense to the global warming cultists.

    • genes ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

      They believe that a tree ring record from ONE tree is Scientific and indicates Global Warming.

  • genes ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    He saw Trump’s hair and is afraid to go back to sleep.

  • genes ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ“declared-a-planetary-emergency-top-10-reasons-gore-was-wrong/
    “Satellite data says that Earth hasn’t warmed in nearly 20 years. Yes, 2015 supposedly “smashed” the previous temperature record. But actually it was the third-warmest year on record according to satellites.”

    “In the mid- to late-2000s, Gore repeatedly predicted that an ice-free Arctic Ocean was coming in 2014. But as usual, his fortune-telling was wrong. By 2014, Arctic ice
    had grown thicker and covered a greater area than it did when he made his prediction. And, three of the last years of Arctic Ice measurements since 2012 have been in the “normal range” i.e., within two standard deviations, according to NSIDC”

  • genes ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    “The global “pause” has been running for nearly 19 years. But a whopping 30% of all the human emissions of fossil fuels, ever, has come out since the year 2000. Nearly 40% of all our emissions since 1990.
    All that CO2, and nothing to show for it. Half of all human emissions of “carbon pollution” have occurred since 1987.”

  • lilwren

    …about 10 days ago we had snow flurries here of some 2 millimeters — Zounds! Today in the mid-70s under cloudless skies, watched over a dozen turtles & an alligator basking in the sun — Mercy! All this happened north of Florida & Louisiana — what’s to become of us? Rain, tomorrow. Why, lo & behold, it’s Global Norming…

  • TJB

    Babe…. I got you babe…. I got you babe

  • JohnFLob

    Why do these “intellectually superior” elites need to extract Punxsutawney Phil from his burrow to determine if he will see his shadow? Why can’t they figure out that if they see their shadow(s) so will Phil, or vice versa. Yet the AGW doubters are the dumb ones.