New York Jets wide receiver Kellen Winslow was arrested last November for possession of synthetic marijuana. According to the police report quoting a witness, Winslow was also doing something else in his vehicle:

Other details from the police report, via NJ.com:

The cop noticed Winslow was wearing “dark colored” sweatpants and wrote that “his genitals were not exposed.” But the cop also noticed “two open containers of Vaseline on his center console” and plastic bags marked “Mr. Happy” and empty plastic containers of “Funky Monkey” scattered throughout the vehicle.

Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the “Mr. Happy” and “Funky Monkey” at his home to relax because the NFL doesn’t drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations.

Winslow claims the masturbation allegation in the police report is false:

In spite of Winslow’s denial, he has already been convicted in the court of Twitter mockery:

https://twitter.com/TheReelAnderson/status/424217728405090305

Winslow’s publicist claims he had just stopped to “change clothes”:

https://twitter.com/NFLonFOX/status/424250594803462145/