New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd is off this week, but take heart: Nicholas Kristof is pinch-hitting, and his tweet teasing his Sunday column is doing its job of generating hits, even if most of them consist of people slamming their heads on their desktops.

It’s safe to say a majority of the world’s Christians would be caught by surprise if the Second Coming consisted of Christ driving around America in search of a religion that best mirrored his beliefs. But what would Jesus do, supposing that he found that a lot of Christians in 2016 weren’t progressive Democrats? Might as well bring up (and immediately drop) the liberal sacrament of abortion.

“Jesus never mentioned gays or abortion but focused on the sick and the poor, yet some Christian leaders have prospered by demonizing gays,” Kristof posits, giving a passing nod to Islam before jetting back to the safe space of Christianity, because that particular religion best demonstrates the tension between its visionary founder and the money- and power-obsessed bureaucracy it’s become.

Either that, or just maybe the Times is sticking to its editorial policy of not risking becoming the next Charlie Hebdo.

Much like Hillary Clinton’s intentions if not her actions, Kristof’s motivation seems benign, but calling “organized religion” into question isn’t exactly groundbreaking stuff.

Yeah, those guys.

Hmm …