Viewers watching Ted Cruz deliver his GOP victory speech on CNN and MSNBC suddenly found themselves watching Hillary Clinton deliver her own “victory” speech — even though a winner had not been officially declared yet, as the vote was too close to call. How close? How about as close a two-tenths of a percentage point, with votes still being counted?

Meanwhile …

  • TomJB

    Well it *is* past her bed time. So what difference at this point… doessss…. iiiit.. zzzzzZzzzzzzzz……

  • Emily B

    The best part about that speech was StickerBoy. Why is there not an entire thread dedicated to him?!! 😀

    • Chris Carter

      And Sticker Boy doesn’t even support her. He just came to the rally and took free Hillary stuff.

      • bil_g

        Hillary was giving away free acid?!

        • trangbang68


          • bil_g

            Oxycontin makes you dab and try to eat your face? Glad that wasn’t around when I was young.

    • Adam Wood

      Sickerboi loaded to the hilt on X was absolutely the highlight of the night.

      Too bad no one there handed him a glow-stick while Hillary was screeching. That would be footage that the History Channel would show for DECADES as the moment that Hillary’s campaign really went TRULY pear-shaped.

    • Acuda4me ✓Please!

      She sure has a lock on the Ate Paint Chips crowd.

    • bxarmybrat

      Yeah, I remember my first experience with beer.

  • syvyn11

    In one line she said “we must all be united”. Next “We must stop republicans!” She doesn’t give a flying fig about the rank and file of the GOP.

    • nc ✓s & balances

      I didn’t listen to the speech. Was there any mention of stopping ISIS or Islamic terrorism?

      • oldshortfatboy

        NO, she didn’t say a thing about barky.

      • syvyn11

        Only if she considers ISIS is a part of the GOP. Otherwise, no.

    • EnoughIsEnough

      She also said the Republicans would “divide us”. I think that ship has sailed, courtesy of the Administration she belonged to.

    • Deplorable Jerry Camp

      “We must all be united…”
      Well, except for those people, you know who I mean.

  • Chris Carter

    So much hilarity from people I despise tonight. This is better than opening presents on Christmas morning when I was a kid.

  • ArmchairMike

    Sticker boy stole the show, if the window licking cankle monster stays out of jail and somehow lies her way to a win she has to name that little idiot the secretary of stupid shit.

    • Michelle ✓classified


    • Ryan Schneider.

      I heard half the FBI will go on strike if this is swept under the rug. She put THEIR people’s lives at stake with her cavalier treatment of the Super Secret Twenty Two, or SS22. She had better watch out. If James Bond learned some elitist prig in parliament had put him and his colleagues in danger through some stupid convenience, and then had the audacity to run for Prime Minister, Bond would likely see to it he had an “accident”.

  • vetgal1970

    As hard as she’s been trying all these years, Bernie tying her is a loss. She knows it and Bill knows it

    • Chris Carter

      I saw on Twitter her poll numbers from this summer being well over 50% down to 0% tonight and it was amazing. This is a big loss.

      • vetgal1970

        She polls as negative as trump does. I’ve always told my daughter to beware of someone who has tried THAT hard for that long just to be in power. She should lose, she deserves to lose

      • Perdido

        Oh, pulleeeze. Her polling numbers are improving. She’s gone from 86% to just over 78% of people that describe themselves as “hating her viscerally”.

  • Mary Mommy Happy 2017!

    Yes Hillary. We do need to be united with keeping your corrupted lying deceitful manipulation shrew self from being president and sending your unethical criminal self to a maximum secure prison.

  • Dwayne Mountain Dew Camacho

    Wait…I need someone to explain something to me….

    Realclearpolitics…has Clinton at 683 …and Sanders at 680.

    Are you telling me the ENTIRE democratic primary in Iowa…has about 1500 voters?

    So if I went to Iowa…got 1500 republicans to switch over to democrats….and vote in that primary we could literally take over the Iowa democratic winner?

    We could have picked O’malley…or just wrote in a random name…and WON?

    That cant be how it works….right?!?!?

    • topbond101

      No it isn’t. I was wondering the exact same thing as you. I think it kind of works like the electoral college, representing votes by smaller numbers, but I don’t know exactly how it’s numbered that way.

      • Dwayne Mountain Dew Camacho

        Are you sure? because they also have a section for “delegates”….

        I read the wikipedia entry…and apparently they all stand in different circles or something. Its weird.

        • David

          It is common for democrats to stand in circles doing what democrats do. There’s a name for it, but in the interest of decency I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

    • bil_g

      Decision Desk HQ is showing 9,901 votes in the Dem primary, so, yeah, I don’t get where they’re getting these numbers.

      Still, they’re showing 186,289 in the Rep primary. Either way, that’s a butt-whoopin’.

      • Dwayne Mountain Dew Camacho

        at least that makes somewhat more sense though…10K voters…still seams like we could have convinced all of Ben Carson voters…to switch parties and vote for him as the democratic front runner.

        That would be an awesome headline….”Cruz and Carson win Republican and Democrat Iowa primaries”


        • bil_g

          HA!!!! Yeah, that would’ve been awesome.

      • Kathryn Warner

        Democratic votes take longer to come in (because Dem caucuses are more complicated). There are more democrats than Republicans in Iowa thanks to Iowa City.

      • UpNorth2

        NBC showed 1300 votes, at1:35pm this afternoon.

        • bil_g

          See…that’s what I mean.

    • Adam Wood

      Those numbers are delegates, not actual voters.

      In each of the 1581 (I think) precincts, there is one delegate, and whomever carries the caucus in that particular precinct gets that delegate.

      Republicans deal with actual voter numbers, and then there are proportional delegate assignments. Democrats have an all-or-nothing delegate count. That’s why there’s seemingly a huge difference in the numbers between Democrats and Republicans.

      • kcinmo

        Just checked, there are 1681 precincts.

    • TugboatPhil

      I thought you’d remember how it works in Iowa, Mr President. If the vote count is too close, the candidates go into Rehabilitation.

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified
  • HiltonHead_Dude

    Good God, the woman is really not likable, and every time she opens her mouth, it shows.

    • MoxieLouise1

      I swear, when she was screeching out that speech, the neighborhood alley cats came up on our deck and started slapping each other around. What a voice!

      • Orpheus75

        Reminds me of a metal grate dragging on a road

        • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

          Or the ghost town scene in almost all old Westerns, where the wind is blowing and a door or window shutter is blowing back and forth on a noisy, rusty, hinge.

    • Orpheus75

      and yet the shrilling harpy is so loved by the lemmings. Says a lot about them does it not?

  • Snowblind

    That was code to put her operatives into action to steal the caucus.

  • lCOYAR

    Just for that, I hope Slanders wins for the Dims here just to humiliate Shillary

  • wrestlefan01

    2-34 in watch sticker cheeks guy lmao

    • wrestlefan01
      • jaded

        I hope this is replayed often! Hillaryous! 🙂

        • wrestlefan01


      • Michelle ✓classified

        I am dying laughing over here! This kid needs to be made Interwebz famous.

        • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

          Pretty sure he’ll be with us at least as long as Pajama Boy.

      • Oxco

        Hillarious…. Posted on Twitter, plz retreat this #StickerBoy2016

      • Orpheus75

        that crazed demonic look on her face should say everything.

    • Hi This Is My Username

      He looks like he needs a hobby. Lmao.

      And holy hell, Hillary has quite the set of crazy eyes.

  • LinTaylor ✓vitrified

    I guess Huma emailed her the wrong speech.

    • journogal

      Clinton does get confused at times.

      • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

        Might be better to start from the point of Hills slips into states of clarity on occasion.

  • ToyZebra

    If Hillary can’t stand out against Bernie, maybe the democrats will let her get indicted and desperately try to throw Biden in.

  • bobbyt1964

    Once again, we have proof that Socialism is – as Churchill said – “…the equal sharing of misery.” The Leftists “redistributed” the vote, and EVERYONE is a loser.

  • bobbyt1964

    I can’t WAIT until November to get my Hillary Clinton Commemorative Plates (for my new Jeep!)

    • Michael the white suburbanite

      you mean the ones she made in prison

      • bobbyt1964


  • Darkbella007

    That woman should be in jail.

  • Darkbella007

    Why is she free? What about our men!

  • HiltonHead_Dude

    Its clear that Chelsea got her personality from her “mothers” side.

  • Deplorable Spinster

    Still say brokered Dem convention with Biden stepping in.

  • JosephBloughs ✓Viagrafied

    Victory speech now, because grandma needs her meds and has to be in bed by 9.

  • Lenny Ghoul✓VʳᵒᵒᵒᵐVʳᵒᵒᵒᵐ

    6 tied precincts were apparently won by a coin toss. Clinton picked heads won them all. You can’t make this shit up.

    • Roto ✓Intentionally Left Blank

      Which….. Clinton picked “heads”??? 🙂

  • Jim Collins

    The pantload in the pants suit is in trouble.

  • wharfrat

    Clinton didn’t win, she’s a loser,the DNC is in shambles,they have a Communist and an old hag running for office,Bernie looks like he slept in his car,and his followers are all young know nothing 20 somethings, if they would look at history they would run away from the old Communist,he is going to destroy America more than Obama has already done,so far.

  • Roto ✓Intentionally Left Blank

    Well, Hillary also thought she won Libya, Yemen, Benghazi, and the ISIL controlled territories from Damascus to Baghdad… so there’s that.

    • Michael the white suburbanite

      chalk this up as one more accomplishment

  • David

    Who knows what the final tally will be when they find the lost precinct votes? Why is that so often when elections involve democrats that there are so many lost ballot boxes and loose chads (now it’s malfunctioning computer glitches)?

  • Doc Farmer✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ

    So, with no clear winner, she declares victory.

    Quantum Chutzpah on Parade…

    • Hashtag pundit

      She felt the need to Hillsplain the results to us.

  • kennyraisin

    Whatever happened to Pajama Boy in the onesie American flag jammies from a couple of rallies ago. Did he get a selfie with the Hildabeest?

  • Ryan Schneider.

    I remember the first picture I saw of Bill and Hillary, from when I was in the fourth grade. It was just a few days after they won Iowa in ’91. I thought something looked fake about them then, too. I was too innocent to know it was everything.

  • Jerry Shelton

    She can call it a win all she wants. But less than 1 percent, should scare the dung beetles out of everyone on her campaign. She might not be the “chosen one’ after all.

    • John Howard

      Chosen, for Leavenworth.

    • EnoughIsEnough

      Less than one percent, and she needed 6 coin tosses in her favor to get there. Hardly a ringing endorsement.

  • Arttie the Deplorable

    Pyrrhic victory?

    • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

      More like Khadesh. Stop the battle, declare victory and everybody goes home.

  • John Howard

    Less than 1 percent over a devout Socialist? Not a win. A loss.

    • Perdido

      “devout Socialist”. LOL> Is that what they’re calling Communists now?

  • Sanchez Crazy as a Loon

    This will end up in court count on it.
    Sanders already was paranoid about Microsoft and with the numbers this close his paranoia will demand a recount in court.

    • EnoughIsEnough

      I would want the quarters from all the coin tosses confiscated!

      • Arttie the Deplorable

        They were supposed to use a penny. Larger coins represent the 1%ers and represent illegal monies.

      • Perdido

        Six out of six. Did they have that official from the NFL playoffs do the toss?

    • Arttie the Deplorable

      Did the coin actually flip while in the air? Bern could hang his hat on that.

      • ToyZebra

        Now Hillary’s followers understand why she sent them all two-headed coins.

  • Sanchez Crazy as a Loon

    A trunk load of vote ballots will be found in a Clinton campaign workers car.

    • EnoughIsEnough

      Closets are more the Clinton’s style eg: Whitewater papers in WH closet, server in bathroom closet.

      • Perdido

        Hillary’s true sexual orientation….

  • journogal

    This is her time, dammit! She isn’t going to let anything, such as vote counting, get in her way.

  • Hotlanta Mike
    • tbmbuzz

      And all of these equate to TOTALITARIAN.

      • Hotlanta Mike

        That’s what a leftist’s true nature is all about. If you disagree the leftist shouts obscenities at you and casts ad hominem attacks at you.

  • Hotlanta Mike
    • John

      Try some penicillin.

      • Hotlanta Mike

        It may be a superbug…no cure available.

  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
    • journogal

      And are the same idiots that complain about old white rich career politicians.

      • Hotlanta Mike

        Diversity for thee, not for me…

  • Michael the white suburbanite

    Noticed a lot of white men in the photos behind Hillary, that’s a different trend

  • Rogue Cheddar

    Fetid Old Tomb va-jay-jay hubris run amok.

  • globalcrap

    Just another lie from a lying socialist Benghazi democrat hoping she gets to prison soon.

  • Terry West

    Where’s the BLM crowd?

  • freeinaz

    What difference is there between Bernie & Hillary?

  • usaeagle1776

    Well, the HILDEBEAST calls a victory eh? LOL Pathetic.

  • marcus tullius cicero

    …As expected….
    BTW, old Bill looks like he’s a “dead man walking”…

    • Terry West

      Just leave off “walking”!

    • vetgal1970

      He was looking forward to the very long plane ride with that pissed of loser

  • American

    What this proves is that 50% of Democrats don’t care about National Security and, the other 50% of Democrats are anti-capitalists.

    More simply put….Democrats are 100% un-American.

  • G3

    Her speech was forced and shrill…it’s clear that she’s not a good politician or comfortable with people – guessing that she couldn’t even say why she wants to be POTUS, just that it’s time a woman took the helm. Sorry HRC, win or lose last night, you lost.

    • Orpheus75

      She is shrill. She screeches like a harpy on steroids.

  • Russ

    That “victory speech” was far more screaming than passionate. She “won” by winning six coin tosses — literally. There was the one in the 70th precinct in Des Moines, which was reported last night, plus another five that I didn’t see reported until this morning in the Des Moines Register.

    • thale_taxurfeet ♂ Vilified

      Heh. I find myself pulling for Bern’s filing for a recount.

  • Orpheus75

    “we have to be united” … and out of the other side of the mouth comes, “Republicans are the enemy”, and, “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy”.

  • Jeff H ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ comic genius

    Black Mass started at midnight: she couldn’t afford to be late.

  • G3

    Clinton called for unity and talked about the Republicans politics of division…a SMART GOP candidate would call her and the Dems out on that asap…but they’re few and far between.

  • Linda

    What a fine example to set for baby grandaughter Charlotte

  • The Marathon Man

    Either the Hildebeest has tremendous chutzpah, or the fix was in.

  • globalcrap

    Are these votes from the living or deceased ?

  • FramersForCruz

    fun fact: apparently there were 5 precincts tied and a coin flip was done at each to decide who got the win. Clinton won all 5. If the 5 flips all went Bernie’s way he wins Iowa.

  • Arttie the Deplorable

    Kankles victory is of a Baghdad Bobian magnitude margin.

  • Karla1953

    She may have given that speech but I am guessing they are all sweating a bit. Bet she wishes she did not have to go to NH and just move on but…………………..poor HRC tee hee

  • SnarkyGCat

    Hillgrannie is just shocked the Bern didn’t trounce her. A nod Is as good as wink to a blind horse..

  • Oysteria (I won)

    Is it just me or is there something very wrong about nominating someone to run for the highest office in the country on a coin toss?

    • Fingolfin

      Idk it seems fair to me. Let the candidates push their platform and in the rare instances of a tie, a coin toss seems an objectively fair tie breaker.

  • Arkuy The Great

    “Tough night for @HillaryClinton not a win,not a loss.”

    That tweet should not have been deleted as it is the most honest one posted here. And it still misses the mark; the primped, pimped and tricked-out party standard bearer who has been grooming for this day for the past 16 years barely edges past a disheveled, demented fossilized remnant of an unrepentant pinko-Commie. That’s a big loss no matter how you spin it!

  • LucienCordier

    The results from 90 precincts, approximately 5% of the total, are missing. Oops.

  • © Sponge

    A communist and a criminal fighting over scraps. What a sad state of affairs for America and the Democrat party.

  • Mercyneal

    The Associated Press still hasn’t called the race for anyone, and now the Iowa Dem party isn’t returning the press’s calls.

  • trangbang68

    What was it five votes in the convoluted Dhimmicrat caucus? A few vans of crackheads brought in to vote in exchange for rocks swung the election. What a groundswell for the old gal.

  • Acuda4me ✓Please!

    “Those Old Fashioneds aren’t gonna drink themselves!”

  • UpNorth2

    Hillzy & Bernie, together, didn’t get as many votes as the last place finisher on the R side.

  • JunkMonkey

    She reminds me of the woman with all the makeup and tiny lipstick in “The Hunger Games”.

  • sukietawdry

    Hillary, screeching her way to ignominious defeat.

  • Frustrated Teacher

    I just love that Shrillary will now have to spend a LOT of that ill-gotten money just to win the Dem nomination. That helps the GOP candidate a lot compared to if she cruised to the nomination without breaking a sweat. Part of the reason why incumbents have an advantage. In the last election, Obama didn’t have to spend ANY money on a primary challenge and could pour it all into lying about Romney. Now if we could just thin down the GOP herd a bit….

  • Janice LEE

    Trump and Hilalrious. so perfect together.

  • rufusrastasjohnsonbrown

    And, is she lucky, or what?

    6 out of 6 coin toss wins in Iowa!

    And oddly enough 6 out of 6 separate calls were heads ,no one ever chose
    tails.That is called The Soros luck,best luck money can buy.Funny thing
    is that it is also probably the most honest thing that the democrats
    have done in quite awhile.

  • Da_Bunny

    Hilary doesn’t have time for this election cr*p. Give her the keys and sit down!