When confronting criticism of his policies, President Obama is more than happy to remind Congress and the American people that he ran two campaigns for president — and “won both of them.” Some days, though, being a member of the first family is a real downer, as Michelle Obama reminded us when she compared life in the White House to a prison, and the president confessed that sometimes he gets “lonely in this big ol’ house.”

Pity the poor president then; some days you just can’t win. The man who campaigned in 2008 against same-sex marriage and now shoots rainbows from his very hands revealed in a press conference today that the lighting of the White House in rainbow colors following the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex marriage was “pretty cool,” but because of security issues he wasn’t allowed to go outside and see it in person alongside the celebrating crowds who, at last, were granted by the federal government “the right to love.”

As long as we’re running an $18 trillion national debt, could someone please spring for that fake mustache President Obama wished for so he could walk around and chat with “real people”? Maybe start a GoFundMe campaign?