It seems as if the social-justice cranks are trying to meet their annual quotas. They’re busy ramping up their outrage announcements before year’s end to go along with the annual pearl-clutching over the song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” Charlie Brown being racist, and “Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer” promoting bullying (just wait, the fact that Yukon Cornelius promotes Open-Carry will get the show banned by next year).

The latest outrage is even more baffling, as it does not involve a character and won’t concern a specific demographic. We are dealing with — offensive french fries. Yes, we understand … take a moment to regain your composure if dizziness came with that news.

The craft brewpub chain HopCat has announced they are altering their menu, in the name of inclusiveness and sensitivity. We can now all recover accordingly.

The backstory to this social nightmare is that just over a decade ago the restaurant opened and introduced customers to their cracked-pepper seasoned fries. The bar staple became a hit with customers, who affectionately shortened the name to “crack fries”, for its addictive quality.

The restaurant adopted the name itself but now, 11 years and 17 locations later, the company has determined this is insensitive and it is changing its menus.

According to its statement:

Today we are announcing plans to change the name of our Crack Fries. Rest assured, the recipe and ingredients are not changing, only the name.
Our vision for creating an inclusive company that supports our communities, shows love for our team and best serves our guests is not compatible with the continued use of the Crack Fries name.

We chose the name more than 11 years ago as a reference to the addictive quality of the fries and their cracked pepper seasoning, without consideration for those the drug negatively affected. We were wrong.

The crack epidemic and the lasting impact on those it affects is not funny and never was.

As we grow as a company we have come to realize that to make light of this drug and of addiction contradicts our values of inclusion and community. We want to thank our guests, employees and community members who have helped us come to this realization and apologize for the pain the name brought to others.

Hold on. The name of their french fries…brought people pain. They wrote that.

Tellingly, most who also find a problem with the name of a food are media members.

Uh, “finally”?! Because a descriptive name for potato blades was horrific? Yes, because it turns out they were “Controversial”.

Going forward customers should reconsider ordering a certain carbonated beverage with their fries that has a shortened named that sounds like the shortened name for cocaine! As for the general public, they were less moved by the gesture.

But take comfort customers — while showing deference to addiction and the travails of mind-altering products, at their locations they will still have nearly 50 brands of beer available.

Meanwhile, in light of insensitive menu items, another eatery has been put on notice…