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In a totally real report, The Babylon Bee tells us how the White House plans to stop Biden from tripping

AP Photo/Luis M. Alvarez

Yesterday, we reported how the White House actually is working on a plan to prevent Joe Biden from tripping. And if you needed any proof that G-d exists and He has a sense of humor, then Biden proceeded to nearly fall down the stairs when getting off Air Force One.


And now we have to take our hats off to The Babylon Bee because they have has unveiled exactly how they plan to keep Biden from tripping from now on. It's quite a scoop for them!

Okay, okay, in case you haven’t guessed it yet, that is satire. Barely.

Really, it’s the visual that sells the joke. It’s fake as heck looking, but very often in comedy the faker something looks, the funnier it is. Does anyone think that Monty Python and the Holy Grail would be funnier if they made the thing look like a serious King Arthur movie? And in this classic skit from SCTV where John Candy plays Tattoo from Fantasy Island is made funnier considering how fake it all looks:

(Skip to the 2:50 minute mark for that skit.)

And there is NO TRUTH to the rumor that Monty Python based the killer rabbit on our esteemed editor, Sam.


In any case, here’s a bit from that totally real The Babylon Bee article:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced a new directive Tuesday they say will put an end to President Joe Biden's endless pratfalls once and for all: transporting the leader of the free world on an official presidential hand truck.

‘Whoa, look at me go!’ Biden said excitedly as he was pushed up the tarmac to Air Force One. ‘I'm flying!’

The presidential hand truck was specially designed by the nation's top scientists and is reportedly able to withstand the blast of a nuclear bomb.

We hear in that in the sixth Indiana Jones movie, Indy will spend the entire movie on a replica of the presidential hand truck and use it to survive a nuclear blast. The Bee also reports that the hand truck is ‘code-named Limp.’ But that is clearly fake news. Its actual name is Hand Truck One.

Naturally, this was greeted with laughter:

On the other hand, this would actually protect the President and the alternative is … President Kamala Harris. So, we say we hope the White House does in fact take their ideas from them.


More than a few people thought of that iconic shot from The Silence of the Lambs. But we will note that this its only used on Biden when they thought young girls were around.

Please note, this man was writing in 2017, before Biden became President.

This is considered battery: Any offensive, non-consensual touching is. If Biden was behaving like that in our presence, we would first politely ask him to stop. If he didn't, we would use the level of force the law allows us to, to stop him. We would not stand there smiling like Coons. He should be ashamed and we will never get over that.


Indeed, here's Jeff Sessions using the lower end of the spectrum of force the law allows, though more subtly than we would have: 

It goes to show you how well known this behavior was, behind closed doors.

It serves multiple purposes. It's another reason why we hope the White House does adopt this approach.

And to be serious for half a second, one of the reasons why The Babylon Bee has done so well is they are willing to put comedy above politics. For instance, they will make fun of Trump and other Republicans, but they will also make fun of Biden. Can anyone remember the last time Saturday Night Live truly tore into Biden? And we are not referring to Jim Carrey’s limp imitation. We have a geriatric racist in the White House, but they can’t seem to find anything funny about that.

Indeed, to show you how they used to make fun of Biden, here’s an old clip from the Daily Show:

Now, there is no law that says that comedy has to be fair and balanced. But when you neglect half the market, we can always expect a market correction. The success of Fox News, for all its faults, was a market correction on the leftist bias of the news, and the success of The Babylon Bee (as well as that of Greg Gutfeld) seems like a market correction on the leftist bias in comedy.



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