Now that The New York Times has exposed Marco Rubio’s checkered past, which features four — count ’em, four! — traffic citations since 1997, it’s only natural to wonder: What other terrible crimes has Rubio committed?

As it turns out, the list is huge:

So, so awesome. And it gets even better:

Oh, they are. Don’t worry:

But this is work!

And it’s magically delicious:

For. The. Win.



‘Bombshell’! What Marco Rubio did ‘while Hillary was selling uranium to Putin’ is the distraction of the day

‘Free advice’: Team Rubio urged to jump all over this for a campaign song

‘So, they lied’? Here’s why the timing of NYT’s Rubio ‘scoop’ is highly suspect

What’s wrong? Chicken? Why did NYT turn to Politico when Free Beacon asked about Rubio story?

‘Amen to that’: Actor Kal Penn says NYT’s Rubio hit piece ‘is stupid’

‘Could you be any more pathetic?’ Eric Boehlert’s spin on NYT’s Rubio hit job is truly beyond parody