With House Republicans and Senate Democrats refusing to budge on the Affordable Care Act, it looks like it will take José Canseco to present a third way. Introducing Cansecocare™.

There’s bound to be a civil rights lawsuit over the ban on man boobs, though we don’t dare imagine what kind of costumes activists will come up with for those protest marches.

Even in José Canseco’s world, there’s no Step 1 without a Step 2 (or more). Here’s the shocker: Cansecocare sounds pretty good.

Finally, someone had the guts to say it. No more cyborgs or shaved primates.

Could it get any better? You have no idea how much better.