No, really. This has moved beyond slack-jawed incredulity into total self-parody territory.

What is racist about a child’s lunch, one might ask? Peanut butter and jelly, of course! You racists probably even use black currant jelly sometimes. On white bread.

That’s right. The Handbook of Racial Code words does not just include nefarious terms like “kitchen cabinet” and “chair.” Now it exposes the “subtle racism” of … peanut butter.

The Portland Tribune, in an article titled “Schools beat the drum for equity,” reports (hard to keep a straight face typing that) on the “subtle language of racism” discovered by principal Verenice Gutierrez every day. Every. Day!

Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year.

“What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” says Gutierrez, principal at Harvey Scott K-8 School, a diverse school of 500 students in Northeast Portland’s Cully neighborhood.

“Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’ Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.”

Insert flabbergasted face. How about this? Another way would be to say, “Shut up and let my kid eat her sammich.”

A racist sammich, you mean! The sane are quick to rightly mock this latest asinine claim.

Guess what? When everything is racist, then nothing actually is. Good job, idjits!

Enough with the Boy Who Cried Dog Whistle. And make us a sammich.