Among the raft of lofty promises President Obama made to America was his vow to slow the rise of the oceans. Flashback June 2008:

The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations. But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment — this was the time — when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals.

Mitt Romney took a light-hearted jab at Obama’s hyperbole in his RNC acceptance speech:

President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet…My promise is to help you and your family.

Which prompted New York Times columnist and eco-concern troll Nick Kristof and his fans to clutch their green-dyed pearls:

An intrepid Twitter user tried to help Kristof along with his comprehension skills:

And another chimed in:

Alas, poor Kristof is beyond rescue: