Julia is just a girl. A wee damsel in distress, all but helpless against the villainous GOP.

Who will save Julia from a lifetime of poverty, disease, and discrimination? Enter Julia’s knight in shining armor—everyone’s knight in shining armor—Sir Barack Obama.

Julia is the star sob story in the Obama campaign’s new interactive tool. And “tool” is right. She exists solely to demonstrate the heroic super powers of The One.


Sure, Julia may have to give up a little freedom and independence. But no worries, Papa Government has her covered:


No, really. Barack Obama has her covered for life:


Apparently Sandra Fluke wasn’t adequate as the campaign’s tool of choice, so she’s been replaced by a creepy graphic.

See, unlike uppity womenfolk, graphics know their place. There’s no hen-pecking, no asking for stuff, none of that irksome hurting their brains with the thinking. Just smile and look purdy, Julia!

Oops, sorry, Julia can’t smile. Sadly, she has no mouth. Just the way Democrats like their women.


Here’s a glimpse of Julia’s golden life under Obama:

Gosh, that’s a long presidency. Long live The Patriarchy™!

The right side of the Twitterverse couldn’t help but mock the birth of Julia.





So, when will we see the Life of Brian Terry as a feature on Barack Obama’s campaign site?

Michelle took to Twitter to tell Brian Terry’s story this afternoon using the #lifeofBrianTerry hashtag. Make sure to read the whole thing.