What in the ever-loving hell is this?

Has to be a joke, right? Right???

We’re speechless. We are without speech.

https://twitter.com/timothydh/status/426382392748953600

https://twitter.com/hale_razor/status/426384966872596480

Our minds’ eyes may never recover. We’ll just have to take comfort from this:

Thank goodness for small favors.

Editor’s note: This post has been updated with additional tweets.

***

Related:

Twitchy coverage of Hillary Clinton

  • kch50428

    Is there any way to un-see that?

    • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

      !,000 gallons of brain bleach …

      • Donald-Now2x/Sarc-w/0calories

        Not nearly enough, even with an industrial power washer applying it.

      • $84598387

        That would require a 5 year environmental study by the EPA.

  • Clayton Grant

    That planet needs to be hit by a very large asteroid and no, I’m not taking a shot at Christie.

    • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

      Composed of antimatter.

    • Republicanvet

      …an asteroid hitting an assteroid?

    • Stephanie Warren

      No, this is a job for Unicron!

  • http://lordfoggybottom.com/ BlahBlah

    Wait, why does the NYT hate on Hillary all of a sudden?

    • R_Stephan

      Here comes Booker!

    • AMSilver

      That’s what I was wondering. They don’t honestly think this would help her, do they? Politicians are so obsessively image conscious and this.. this will be in my nightmares tonight.

  • $84598387

    In 1976, as a young man, i could not take the upcoming election so I and a few friends packed my van, quit our jobs and took a 3 month long cross country camping trip. THE BEST election in my life. No cell phones, no computers, no cable tv, no tv at all on the road.

    I may have to think about a trip again if this witch runs.

    • June Clinkenbeard

      In hindsight I wish i had done that too! What a horrible result that was! Hillary will run. The question is, will we allow her to win?

      • http://www.traveLightgame.com/ ljcarolyne

        No way! That picture should run the devil off, IMO!

    • Leslie Lesaroo

      I was the only kid in my class that didn’t vote for Carter and was humiliated for it. Even my parents voted for that peanut head. It was an awful year. I thought about running away from home many times. :(

      • nickdqwk

        When I was a kid Jimmy was elected, my grandad quit eating peanut brittle his all time favorite candy. We are living Jimmy’s second and third terms now!

        • Leslie Lesaroo

          My grandpa and I were tempted to do the “I told you so” taunts later when all were complaining about the long gasoline lines and no jobs, but we didn’t. We figured the uproar of regret was enough. But…you’re right….here we are again…sigh.

          • $84598387

            I bought a 5 gallon gas can. Parked around the corner near gas stations. Walked up the line with my can and asked people if I could butt in for a little gas since I ran out in line and was blocking people and they were getting mad.
            I filled up the 5 gal can, walked back to my 1970 Dodge van, put the 5 gal in and went to the next station to do the same thing. Only waited in gas lines a few times when I found that this worked so well. i did kind of feel guilty for lying. But hey! Who wanted to wait in line for 6 hours only to find the station ran out of gas?

          • Leslie Lesaroo

            It was every man for himself back then. People often got mean while sitting in those lines. Saw and heard a lot of violence. Wish my parents had thought about trying your idea.

          • http://www.traveLightgame.com/ ljcarolyne

            Now we all know, THERE WAS NO SHORTAGE OF GAS,
            government lied just like they do now. Greedy Bastards!

          • Deborah Hallsted

            As a foster child in the home of the states Tax Corporation Commissioner, I heard him when he explained that there was going to be a “gas shortage” and in return for him being included in the plan, the governor expected him to help sponsor a bill he wanted to get passed. My first introduction to the realities of politics

          • Maryland_Malcontent

            I can’t believe that there was a time with there was a Dodge van that one wouldn’t be ashamed to own. The Caravan line really killed my perception of Dodge.

        • http://www.traveLightgame.com/ ljcarolyne

          Only worse!

      • $84598387

        The best part of Carter’s term I remember was the gas lines. There were 3 gas stations and a Dunkin Donuts in the same block. I was 20 years old and worked full time but always wanted more.
        I got my old childhood red wagon, parked near the lines of cars that parked overnight to get gas the next morning.
        I went to DD and got 4 dozen donuts and 2 big boxes of hot coffee and hot chocolate. Put them in my wagon and walked the lines selling my goods. Made enough to fill my tank a few times. Even made a few trips to DD to keep selling. Did that as long as there were gas lines.

        My first real entrepreneurial experience due to the bad economy and have never looked back.

        Without Carter and his terrible economy, I may never have gotten that bug to work for myself.

        • Leslie Lesaroo

          Lol. Very clever thinking Sandy!

        • lcky9

          oh I am sure that in a few months when parents are telling their kids to WALK ,, or they have to give up their extra’s because of government made shortages kids will be taking notice.. figure around summer..it might be a good thing for a lot of them since they really believe that just cause they want it they should have it..

      • Deborah Hallsted

        Victim! Surely you can include that abuse in your autobiography!

    • GaryTheBrave

      Gilligan’s Island is almost empty. Maybe we should move there. “No radios. No telephones. Not a single luxury.”

      • $84598387

        Blow up your TV throw away your paper

        Go to the country, build you a home

        Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches

        Try an find Jesus on your own.

        John Prine, Spanish Pipedream

        • Adela Wagner

          Love John Prine. “You may see me tonight with an illegal smile…”

    • Maryland_Malcontent

      So…you didn’t vote?

      BTW, it seems a little disingenuous to say that there were no cell phones or computers as those things didn’t really exist in 1976; Austin Powers was right, the 70s sucked and were the decade of the second half of the 20th century to skip.

      • $84598387

        Yes I did vote. i voted for I believe a man named Anderson. I think he was running on the American Party ticket.

        The 70’s were a fantastic time for me. Never without a job except when i quit to travel. the music was the best.

        • Maryland_Malcontent

          Was that the 70s equivalent of voting for ron paul?

          There were some diamonds in the rough, musically speaking, in the 70s but all they did was help create the height of music, the 80s, before music fell like Rome to the grunge barbarians in the 90s (and hasn’t really come back since).

          • $84598387

            Pretty much. I once voted for Angela Davis the Black Panther turned Professor.

            80’s music sucked the big one to me. That brought in disco!

          • Maryland_Malcontent

            I’m a bit confused by your post as disco was a 70s phenomenon. So, why’d you vote for a former Black Panther? I have this sinking feeling that, in 2016, millions of Americans (alive and dead) will vote for a de facto former black panther but…

          • $84598387

            Disco was late late 70’s if I can remember but more of an 80’s thing. When I think disco I think more 80’s then 70’s.
            70’s music to me was Led Zeppelin and The Who. 80’s I think Bee Gees.
            Davis ran in 1980 as VP on the Communist Party ticket and I was just coming home from another long 4 month cross country trip. I recognized the name and was placing a protest vote. No other reason.

          • Maryland_Malcontent

            All the major disco songs with which I’m familiar were solidly in the 70s: Disco Inferno was 76, Stayin’ Alive was 77. When I think 80s, I think of a decade dominated by heavy metal, glam rock and male pop stars who looked really effeminate (Duran Duran, MJ…)

            I never could understand what Robert Plant was shrilly wailing about. My guess is that the words weren’t meant to be understood :)

          • lcky9

            Disco good…

          • Deborah Hallsted

            It was a choice between disco and Motown. No choice at all for me, had to be Motown.

  • AMERICAN Kafir™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈwhitey

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    It’s not the picture that’s killing me, it’s the responses.

    • Amy Patten

      Best highlight of my day!!! So many endless possibilities with that picture! !!

  • CHHR

    When is someone going to inform these folks that the shock and awe of their raging stupidity no longer shocks or awes?

    • http://www.traveLightgame.com/ ljcarolyne

      YOU GOT IT! I’m not shocked at anything, anymore!

  • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

    Put me down for a definite AAAAUUUUUGHH!!

  • BoscoBolt

    I’m surprised that the liberal media is making fun of Killary’s weight and very ’round’ shape. Saying that any woman is the size and shape of a planet isn’t very nice, even when it’s true.

  • Nightvalzin

    She really does live in her own little world.

  • LinTaylor ✓vitrified

    I’m not even a Whovian, and I already know the proper response:

    “MOISTURIZE ME!”

  • therealguyfaux ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    I suppose the visual joke is supposed to imply that Shrillary exercises a gravitational pull all her own.

    It certainly cannot mean, from the NY Times’s perspective, that she lives in her own little world.

    But for my money, “What difference does it make?”, WHY they lampoon her this way– just as long as they DO!

    • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

      Heh, The reality behind the PR deception,

  • American.Vet

    Artists rendition of the lefts completed Death Star.

  • http://twitter.com/THE_DAILY_BLEAT VACUOUS CIPHER

    Since we’re doing hideous…

  • Silverstar

    NYT is sexist. Also, that is The Thing That Should Not Be.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/pwag42 Swagner

    If you’ll excuse me, I need to start screaming and never stop.

  • thedumbblonde

    The Right’s War on Women continues….

    Edit for the sarcasm meter lacking

  • Noxious News

    Reminds me of….

    • nickdqwk

      Now that’s just funny! Thank you for sharing.

    • Scorpion

      Reality.

  • The Masked Avatar

    Annoying Orange is contacting his lawyers right now.

  • lou1785

    The death star.

    • arttie

      Zit included

    • TocksNedlog

      Death-Panel Czar

    • mrbadhabit

      More like the Uber-Bitch Star

  • Al Waishard

    …now all they need is another ball with Bill’s face on it.

    • Republicanvet

      …with a big Lewinsky in the middle.

  • ee1774

    The Teletubbies baby has been updated…..

    • TocksNedlog

      On Hillary, the sun shines out of the other end.

  • Republicanvet

    Ha! Yesterday it was Winter Storm Anus with a sphincter image, today it’s NYT Magazine with a sphincter image.

  • CO2 Producer

    I’ve been wanting to update my avatar for a while…

  • Ken Alan Draper

    It’s Final Frontier, the butt ugly planet Eddie destroys in the music video for Iron Maine’s song “Final Frontier”.

  • Dang

    No intelligent life on that planet.

  • Brother Cavil

    O.O

  • https://www.youtube.com/user/JayJay3Fifty7 JJ357

    Damn it, why did you open this one.

  • O’s Wet Dream

    OZ!!!!

    • TocksNedlog

      More like “I am the great and powerful OOZE!”

  • karmafordems

    G’night Moon

  • David Johnson

    & libtards circle her gravitational force. Planet Pantsuit?

    • Republicanvet

      I’m thinkin Planet Pantload.

  • TocksNedlog

    “NOW WITNESS THE POWER OF THIS FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL BATTLE STATION”
    — Trust me, you do NOT want to skim along the surface of that trench on your way to the exhaust port!

    • truckee22

      Ha! FTW!

    • Republicanvet

      I bet Huma would.

    • Maryland_Malcontent

      So wrong, so terribly wrong…but I laughed.

      • TocksNedlog

        Fire your torpedo and watch out for bogeys on your six!

  • ashknothole

    Soccer, anyone?

    • therealguyfaux ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      Why not– Shrillary is just one “own-goal” after another…

    • TocksNedlog

      Hillary’s campaign scores an own-goal in 2016

  • Obama my Nigga

    We always thought her chin was planet-sized. Now we know. It’s the best likeness of cankles ever!

  • GaryTheBrave

    Can. Not. Unsee!

  • DC is Evil

    All those chins have been pulled back into the shape of a giant bald head. Truly frightening.

    • Republicanvet

      …any tighter and she’ll have a goatee.

      • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

        Naw, think Brazilian wax … if you can stomach the imagry …

  • Bill

    “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will”. Yoda

  • Bill

    “when you look at the dark side, careful you must be. For the dark side looks back”. Yoda

  • nickdqwk

    Planet Hollywood should launch something to save their good name.

    • TocksNedlog

      Planet Hillarywood

      • nickdqwk

        Ooooooooooh I like it, you’re hitting them out of the park today Tocks!

  • ExurbanKevin
    • thedumbblonde

      Oh, that’s just awesome right there.

    • http://youhavetobethistalltogoonthisride.blogspot.com/ keyboard jockey

      Winner

  • Hotlanta Mike
  • TocksNedlog

    Someone with Photoshop capabilities please adjust?

    • The 57th State© ℅EF™

      Done

  • John

    Looks like a giant boob with eyes, nose and teeth, but that’s just me.

    • TocksNedlog

      aka Bill Clinton’s worst nightmare

  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • Hotlanta Mike
  • therantinggeek

    For some odd reason, I can’t help but think of a certain line from Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

    “All right, people. Let’s go crack a planet.”

  • Unknown User

    Uranus

  • mbs235

    So NYT really isn’t pulling for Hillary 2016?

  • http://xristosdomini.wordpress.com/ xristosdomini

    …… I’m suddenly interested in casting a vote for a black hole. Oh, excuse me, “Gravitational Singularity Event 2016”. Gotta be PC, you know.

  • CLEmom

    Awwww, look…they made an incompetent accomplice to murder a happy, smiling, little spaceball.
    #terrifying

  • TocksNedlog

    — “One thing’s for sure, we’re all gonna be a lot poorer.”
    — “What was that? Sounded like political rhetoric.”
    “Nah, it’s nothing. Outgassing. Don’t worry about it.”
    — “Now, if we can just avoid any more female advice we oughta be able to get out of here.” [Han Solo’s war on women!]
    — “Into the garbage chute, flyboy.” [Eeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!]
    — “Get in there, you big baby! I don’t care what you smell.” [Double eeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!]
    — “There’s something ALIVE in here!” [Triple uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…]
    — “No entitlement reward is worth THIS.”

  • The 57th State© ℅EF™

    Significantly improved, if I don’t say so myself.

    #PhotoshopOfTheDay57thState

  • James McEnanly
  • Tigerspike

    Wasn’t that the thing crashing in the Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask?

    • Noelle’s Bootcut Kittenpants

      Uncanny!

  • Marcy Cook

    I’m scared.

    • TocksNedlog

      You will be.

      You WILL be.

  • Barack Hussein Sharpton
  • H50 ✓RAT

    Ummm, Im guessing that Her Mimms will not be pleased.

  • ashknothole

    Michelle Obama just said it was okay to have the occasional meatball.

  • Right Wired ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    Baller.

  • Right Wired ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    Anyone remember Clutch Cargo?

  • Pat Loudoun

    Oh yeah. That graphic will be a great help.

  • Right Wired ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    Last one:

  • Eric

    First the Bieber mug shots plastered everywhere, now this? I don’t think even industrial grade brain bleach or mental floss is strong enough to erase these images.

  • http://youhavetobethistalltogoonthisride.blogspot.com/ keyboard jockey

    They understand they aren’t helping right?

    • ToyZebra

      I wonder. When Hillary was running against Obama, the media used every goofy picture of Hillary they could get.They made her look as bad as they could. Maybe the word has gone out to repeat the process? I don’t know who would replace her, it can’t be Biden, but they may be searching for someone else.

      • http://youhavetobethistalltogoonthisride.blogspot.com/ keyboard jockey

        Elizabeth Warren the first woman of color of Harvard Law/ The fix might be in. Derrick Bell was on Barack Obama’s radar. Bell was protesting there wasn’t enough diversity at Harvard Law.

        Elizabeth Warren’s tenured appointment at Harvard Law School during a time when she claimed to be a Native American “woman of color” was directly connected to protests for “faculty diversity” led in the 1980s and early 1990s by the late Critical Race Theory professor Derrick Bell.

        http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Journalism/2012/05/25/Boston-Globe-Makes-the-Bell-Connection

  • Magnifico

    She has a very simple-minded expression on her face. Was that her best available image for this bizarre cover?

  • Donald-Now2x/Sarc-w/0calories

    Well, they finally quit airbrushing her cheeks and her hair has never looked better!

  • tops116 ✓Quipper

    That’s Hillary? I thought it was Rover up to his old tricks again.

  • Mr_Popular

    Looks like a nice place for pajama boy to live!

  • Richard Vandiamondsworth

    It’s the only way to hide those communist cankles.

  • Aimee

    It’s hideous. I love it, it’s perfect.

  • Jennifer

    Yeah it definitely will give you nightmares.

  • Aleister
  • LegalizeShemp

    More like a Dark Star or a Black Hole

  • Voltaire’s Ghost

    “Moisturize me”

    • LibLieExposer

      Cassandra was WAY better looking!

  • Zach Smith

    In 2016 Hillary will be in conjunction with Uranus. I think we all know what that means!

    • AnnieCEsq

      Hilarious

  • Idl

    Zardoz? That you?

  • Deborah Hallsted

    Darn kindle, thought I’d tapped the “gargoyle” tweet article, and this is what I saw. Oh well, “what difference at his point does it make”?

  • Short Bus

    Looks like an ASSteroid to me (or a vomit comet).

  • Bill Neumiller

    No intelligent life on that planet…

  • Malcolm Reynolds

    Stealing man in the moon from Glenn Beck?

  • lulu5297

    There’s an episode of family guy, where Chris gets a huge talking zit. That’s immediately what I thought when I saw this. Killary is a talking zit.

  • thathadtohurt

    I hope it’s not hungry.

  • http://www.GONINERS.com/ Kristine ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    Oh lord. This is just too much. They need to stop. Just stop. We all get it. You exist so far up Hillary’s a&& that you can reach her uvula from the inside.

  • Batschach

    I KEEP SCROLLING AND IT WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!

  • Guest

    She looks better that way.

  • JR48

    It’s a smiley faced Death Star…LOL

    • $84598387

      Looks like the picture my doctor showed me of my hemorrhoids before he did his thing on them.

  • Sua Sponte

    Thought it looked familiar….

    • https://twitter.com/GuardAmerican GuardAmerican

      More like this – Planet Boobie:

      • Sua Sponte

        +1

  • midasrex

    All that’s missing here is Photoshop and goatse. Just sayin’.

  • Stacey

    Kinda reminds me of Cassandra on Doctor Who, if Cassandra were not a dried up piece of leathery skin. They do have that in common.

  • http://village-exile.blogspot.com Warmongerel

    What’s the problem? Her ankles alone are big enough to have their own gravitational field.

  • pilot007

    RE” HILLARY MOON SHOT. We were all saved from the horror of a real moon shot of H’e’llery. The image forever burned into our retinas. Thank you NYT mag.