The Grammy Awards show will air this Sunday on CBS. But this year, there are a lot of body parts that won’t be aired out on the red carpet or on stage, if CBS wardrobe czars have any say in the matter. The network issued an Onion-worthy memo banning naughty bits, cracks, and “puffy” parts:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

Is it too litte, too late?

Ploy or no?

Former Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger advises: “Keep it sassy, but classy!”


Well, it turns out the same memo was issued by CBS last year. And duly ignored:


  • copperpeony

    The Burqua will be the new dress code for the Grammys. Maybe the Muslim Brotherhood has bought CBS.

    • $23988033

      That’s exactly what I was thinking….

  • Shawn

    Wait, so someone said up there at least this will help us focus on the music. What music it is all crap anymore.

    • Manny Laureano

      Only watching to see Minnesota Orchestra win best performance by a symphony orchestra.

    • yahneverknow


      hahahaha…. 😀

  • tredglx

    Now if they’d just ban the talentless, they’d have something worth watching: a 1-hour show instead of a 3-hour snoozer.

    • John (it true me am)

      A whole hour might be a bit generous. I’d place my bet on however long the commercials will run.

  • Joe W.

    I would rather watch two pissants fight than to watch these ego centric moon bats reward each other for the rotten excuse for music they spew.

  • Dominic

    But we still will be seeing liberal A- holes.

    • mhojai

      now, that’s funny! And accurate

  • dmacleo

    who is going to be doing the camel toe checks?

  • J.N. Ashby

    What purpose do these attention whores have if not for their cleavage?

  • Guest

    ban silicone implants..that will stop the problem

  • Larry Soles

    Buttocks crack? Female breast nipples? Who wrote this!?!

    • TugboatPhil

      It’s Hollywood. Gay men of course.

      • John (it true me am)

        Personally it’s the non-breast nipples I’m more worried about seeing.

  • marcellucci

    Dear CBS,
    You can’t be the cool Uncle (supporting Occupy) and the mean stepmother at the same time.
    You created this mess by enabling bad behavior……

  • TugboatPhil

    So will Code Pink costumes be allowed?

    • 3seven77

      Only if they’re covered by Granny Panties.

  • 3seven77

    I notice they didn’t ban pasties. Since they don’t expose female breast nipples, I guess pasties are acceptable.

    • Brendon Carr

      No, because of the separate policy on underboob.

  • About a Goy

    I miss Little Kim. Actually, just her right boob.

  • TocksNedlog

    Is desecrating The Cross still allowed?

  • BobTheUmp

    In final resting places all over America there are Grandmothers spinning thinking how shameful it is that somebody had to put “cover your private parts when in public” in written form.

    • Catchance

      Yup… I’m one of ’em. That was my first thought: why do they have to be told?

  • Maxx

    If they’re going to ban boobs, does this mean CBS isn’t covering Tuesday night’s State of the Union speech?

    • TheOriginalDonald


  • bidentime

    Woe is me. No camel toe?

  • Lia Markham

    The Grammys used to have a lot more class then they do, now. Hopefully, with the advent of this new dress code, maybe other things–talent, maybe–will take center stage rather than image. That’s what it should be.

    • TheOriginalDonald

      I wish Nashville would get the memo.

    • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse

      The Grammy’s haven’t been about talent for quite awhile. Chris Brown was grammatised last year and I’m waiting for Charles Manson’s spoken word win, well, after the Obama’s and Clinton’s pick up all of theirs.

  • Bill Bradham

    Publicity ploy. They may as well have said. Ladies, it’s bottomless night at the Grammy’s! Don’t forget to shave!

  • $23629333

    “‘Puffy’ Labia”? Another name change for Sean Combs?

  • Teresa Davis McCormick

    they just made this public so when decent people call in to complain they can avoid blame.

  • freeinaz

    No plumbers pants allowed…

  • freeinaz

    No plumbers pants allowed…

  • plaingolf

    I was hoping that the women would all come out in burkas. Ah who am I kidding. I’d rather be dipped in a vat of acid then watch the Grammys anyway.