Aw, bless his precious heart. Looks like ABC’s Rick Klein spent the summer sneaking clove cigarettes at creative writing sleep-away camp with the other aspiring teen poets. Courtney Stodden’s got nothing on “real journalist” e.e. klein.
Can the Junior School Poetry Enthusiasts finally retire the cliched "the hall, the speech, the crowd, one" gambit?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
And if you're going to do it, realize 1, it's been done a thousand times before, 2, it sounds silly and precious, so 3, PUT SOME WORK IN IT
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
The Twitterverse stepped up to offer the Bard of A-BC-von some constructive criticism of his poetic leg tingle for Bill Clinton.
Yoko Ono hacked ur account, dude. RT @rickklein this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 6, 2012
Anyone else need a cigarette? MT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one.
— Tammy Bruce (@HeyTammyBruce) September 6, 2012
And journalism died…RT @rickklein this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012
— SFK (@stephenkruiser) September 6, 2012
Someone actually wrote this ==>> RT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) September 6, 2012
#50ShadesOfBillClinton RT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012
— Marta Evry (@venice4change) September 6, 2012
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Blogger Ace of Spades generously offered his services as a creative writing coach to the starry-eyed lapdog, complete with hilarious examples of Rick Kleinery. The brutal mockery was a living, breathing organism.
The media knocks Eastwood but is full of crap like "this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
It was a dark and stormy night. Bill Clinton took the podium. The hall became an organism, breathing, sensing, knowing as one.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
A shot rang out. The maid screamed. The undifferentiated protoplasm of the DNC extended one tentative pseudopod out to the world.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
RAF Major @rickklein observed the shimmering, quavering jelly of the DNC with one eyebrow arched. "By Jove, this thing pulses with life!"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, a dreamy-eyed scut-girl sensed a new life aborning across the salty ocean.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
scut-girl? What the hell is that? What am I thinking? Scullery wench or something I guess.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
The scut-girl, a bonny lass named Agmar Akennokker, wistfully thought of her absent husband, a strapping young gimp by the name of Knarl.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Meanwhile, RAF Major @rickklein alerted the National Center For Detection & Study of Living, Breathing Organisms, One.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
A horse whinnied. A meteor shined. Various parts from the end of "Knights in White Satin" occurred around now.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
The crowd thrilled. Then each member of it began extending polyps of nervous tissue into each other's brains, becoming one with The Speech.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, Agmar thought wistfully of her handsome, gog-eyed pinhead Knarl.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
She thought of how she could stare into his confident, reassuring wall-eye forever.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Meanwhile, the polyps of spongiform brain-matter thickened and throbbed with rising anticipation. Would Clinton defend ObamaCare…?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
The viscous strands of NuFlesh that now connected each delegate to one another began to undulate and thrum. A mighty Gloppening was at hand.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! Agmar hoped her handsome husband, the ruggedly mutated Knarl, was safe at the helm.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
The convention became a hot mass of pulsating hyperfecundity, sprouting a torrent of neoplasms in a riot of shapes and dimensionalities.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Agmar cast her gaze to the ship's deck– beautiful Knarl, with one arm so strong and hale, the other shaped like a bowling pin, was absent.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Bill Clinton stood at the podium, proud. Unbowed. Defiant. Squamous.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012
Look out Reader’s Digest poets. Ace of Spades is unbowed. Defiant. Squamous. We may have just experienced a Gloppening.
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