Comedian Patton Oswalt on Wednesday was busy “deleting” a series of risqué tweets and issuing apologies to the offended parties.

What’s the occasion?

  • jkpalmdale


  • AT

    Rape is not a laughing matter. Unless it’s not-rape rape, in which case it’s hilarious. But not-not not-rape is offensive. Unless it’s not.

    • arttie

      The Clintons can clear up any confusion depending on the definition of can,clear, up, any, confusion, and is is.

      • Bill Gryan

        Bill Clinton can probably help us define “rape” too, but it might be different from Juanita Broaddrick’s definition.

      • CVN65

        Please define “and”.

    • Ed McDowell

      But AT you forget two negatives make a positive so your rape rape is rape and that’s negative.however I know of no rule for three negatives.

      • Brian Roastbeef

        Rape rape rape is not acceptable to not be not a laughing matter? False. Also you’re a racist.

      • AT

        When you’re offended by something, you don’t *have* to make any sense. Ever.

    • David Burton

      “Rape” has gone the way of “global warming”. You have to rhyme with “Sexual Assault” in the new America.

  • DG

    HAHA! This is kinda brilliant.

    • LinTaylor ✓vitrified

      I don’t always agree with his humor, but yeah, this is actually pretty clever.

      • Spiny Norman

        Some of our commenters down thread appear to be completely oblivious to it.


    • Mark81150 Never/Trump/Hillary

      I agree,.. not sure I find it particularly funny in and of it self, but it was a brillant way to troll people who without any information, jump on the outragemobile.. ..

      That, was masterfully done..

    • Tigerspike

      I agree. Some people are clueless, though, check out some of the responses he got:

  • CrustyB

    I think the world would hate liberals less if Patton Oswalt would just die.

    • Daniel Cartwright

      you are a problem for all conservative people

      • CrustyB

        Patton Oswalt and you.

        • Mark81150 Never/Trump/Hillary

          Me too?… since now, you’re just being a dick.

          if you didn’t get what Oswald did, fine, but saying folks should just die is crossing a line Oswald didn’t don’t you think..

          • CrustyB

            Blah blah blah, liberal world of lies, mythology, misinterpretations, victim complex, bullshit, blah blah blah. Go play with your toys.

    • Mark81150 Never/Trump/Hillary

      Whoa…. hate his kind of humor if you will,…. but just die?..

      We can do better than that.,.. I detest attack comedy, like Cathy Griffin, Joan Rivers, but never said anything like that about them…

      this is why we get called hateful.. over jokes he didn’t make, but implied he did….

  • JeffWRidge

    I apologize to anyone not offended by any of my previous comments.

    • Humanary Stew

      This comment offend me.

      /s off

      • JeffWRidge

        I’m sorry about that, or not, I’m not sure.

        • malclave

          Schroedinger’s Apology?

          • Ty in TX ✓ᵇᵒⁿᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

            ::mind blown::

  • tops116 ✓Quipper

    Eh, I’ll just take a page from the Democrats:

    I’m sorry you were offended by my previous comments.


    • Humanary Stew

      You have that wrong. They blame the offended for being offended.

      • Brown

        Or just call the people upset about their comments trolls.

    • Ed McDowell

      No its I’m sorry IF anyone was offended…

    • JMW

      Gee, I’m SO SORRY if anyone was offended….but, clearly what I said was funny and if you don’t get it you’re an idiot so get stuffed loser….sort of a non-apology in your face INSULT…. the left seems to excel at these kinds of “apologies”…. 😉

  • Sua Sponte

    Please pay attention to me!!!….Love me!!!….Love me!!!…..What a needy little tool….

    • Daniel Cartwright

      as apposed to you, who have to comment on this?

      • KansasGirl

        Yet you miss the point.

      • Sua Sponte

        Really?…..*implied face palm here*

  • RK59


  • Texan357

    Clearly he was speaking about the “nape” of the neck. It was an anti-vampire post; nothing to see here.

  • thenextone82

    What were the deleted tweets?

    • johnrossbowie

      You. Win.

    • thetreyman


      • Mark81150 Never/Trump/Hillary

        Here I thought I wss slow sometimes to grasp the subtlety of a line …… not as much it would seem, as some others. I actually am not sure if I should be happy about discovering I’m not,… or sad so many others missed the point.

    • Worship Dancer

      and here i always thought twitter was forever. i guess no one screen caught his deleted tweets huh?

      • DFG2

        Oh dear god…just never mind.

  • LN_Smithee

    I usually don’t find Patton Oswalt entertaining with the exception of his vocal performance in Ratatouille, but that was indeed brilliant.

  • therealguyfaux ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    Ignore this post. I never made it.

  • Chuck Finley Cracka®

    One of the best ever.

  • Patches O’Houlihan

    Oswalt doesn’t usually do much for me, (except for when he smacks up Salon) but this string of tweets was a stroke of evil comedic genius!

    • Spiny Norman

      And totally random. The fact that it brought out the “perpetually outraged” who only imagined what the “deleted Tweets” might have been, makes it all the better.

      Sadly, some of those “perpetually outraged” are in our midst…

  • JadedByPolitics

    I am offended that others are offended by the non-existent deleted tweets. How dare he mock the insane.

  • MrApple

    I can’t remember the last time this beardless garden gnome was funny.


      Another escapee from “the Lewis Carroll level of Twitter.”

  • Michelle ✓classified

    Did he just seriously troll the camp of the Perpetually Butthurt and Manufactured Outrage Critters?

    • DG

      Yup. And Pwned them! (as the kids say) ((I think))

  • malclave

    “Yes, we all know what “grape”, “ape”, “tape” & “cape” rhyme with.”
    People get so uptight about the littlest things. So what if someone uses e-cigarettes or lets the backs of their necks be seen?

    • Thale Taxurfeet

      Drape? As in their righteous indignation was draped heavily across their delicate shoulders.

  • Jon

    Having been nailed by the PC police a couple of weeks ago for tweeting his support of a Mark Steyn column, Oswalt may at least be moving away from knee-jerk doctrinaire liberalism, because he’s figured out as a comedian, you’re always one line away from having your career taken down by one of the professionally offended, the vast majority of whom are his ideological soul-mates.

    These apology tweets were simply troll bait by Oswalt to get those people scrambling through Twitter, Google and other outlets on the Interwebs to find the offending tweets so they could pretend to be outrageously outraged.

  • blg_wv

    Substance Abuse ?

  • waltzingmtilda

    This is actually rather clever and amusing.

  • cscape

    Oswalt is “patton”ly STUPID and not FUNNY

    • Daniel Cartwright

      must be nice to have no sense of humor, and only a sense of getting people fired.

  • VotingForZombieReagan2016

    Wow, what a wit.

  • Daniel Cartwright

    Everyone here ripping on Patton is a moron. You people are such zombies to your ideology.

    • LegalizeShemp

      Yes we know, it’s “satire and parody”, therefore we shouldn’t take it seriously. Should we take anything else left wing ideologues say seriously? Didn’t think so.

      • Daniel Cartwright

        It is called humor, just chill out. We dont need to call Jihad on everything that makes us feel sad.

        • LegalizeShemp

          Ah, the old “chill out” and “lighten up” command from leftist Commandants. I’ll chill out when I feel like it Hoss Cartwright, you don’t order me around. I notice you don’t “just chill out” and “lighten up” when a white conservative Republican says something offensive, you start screeching like 13 year old girls and demand people get fired, step down, and possibly be arrested for hate crimes. Funny how you radical leftists order others to “chill out” when you screw up, yet never chill out when conservatives say something dumb, which offends one of your pathetic mascot groups.

          • Daniel Cartwright

            listen Shep I have never been accused of being a liberal. I am very conservative, but not enough to be blinded to think there is a difference between the two parties. Hate to ruin your night, but both parties are controlled by special interest. I am just not going to get all worked out of shape by a spoof twitter.

          • Spiny Norman

            Not to worry Daniel. I’ve been accused of being a “leftist”, “liberal” “Obamabot” by humorless scolds more times than I recall.

            Wear it like a badge of honor.

        • Ms. Abigail van Beagle


    • LegalizeShemp

      Similar the way left wing “zombies to their ideology” rip into decent people who happen to disagree with them. If you deny that fact, that makes you a zombie to your ideology.

      • MrNewCastrati

        You people are so judgmental of those who are being judgmental.

        • GaryTheBrave

          “You people”? You RRRAAACCCIIISSSTTT!!!

    • TugboatPhil

      That might be a relevant statement if more than just a few people had been ripping on him. Did you even read any of them?

      Nice try at a defense Mr Oswalt.

      • Daniel Cartwright

        Yes I did, it was funny, because we live in a culture of nothing but apology. This own site was laughing at it.

  • LegalizeShemp

    Very creative there Patton, but if you look which groups are demanding people be fired for offending certain groups, you’ll see that almost all those groups are left wing groups, looking to eradicate any opposition to their views. Conservatives tend to be libertarian on such comments, while the left reveals their totalitarian leanings by shouting down, blocking and banning speech virtually everywhere you turn.

    • Daniel Cartwright

      This is very true.

  • KansasGirl

    The kwanzaa song is the best…for a bigot.

  • Walter Goerlitz

    Further proof liberals are mentally ill. All atwitter over inanities!

  • Baba Looey

    This guy makes a living off this?

  • Joel A. Edge


  • Rogue Cheddar

    In deleted space, noone can hear Patton scream!

  • lgeubank

    As funny as everything else this tool does and says.

  • CVN65


  • Hank_Scorpio

    Well played Mr. Oswalt, well played….

  • LloydTheDuck

    So funny. We are become #apologynation, many of us at least, and that itself is worthy of mockery. I made a New Year’s resolution never to apologize again (not that I did much in the past) and I’m glad to be able to say I’ve kept to it.

  • Hetero Lingo

    An antidote to the quackery of the progressives, charlatans, and clowns who infect today’s mass TV media:

  • AmyE

    Epic :)

  • Gary

    Brain. Hurts.

  • “Rev Jim Jones”

    Suspend him from the NBA!