We don’t know the identity of the model whose face graces the splash page of online train wreck HealthCare.gov — we (and many others) are just glad we’re not her. It must be tough to be the face of failure on every news broadcast. Now, Obamacare Splash Page Stock Photo Girl has found a new gig, on the cover of the new National Review.

The clever cover re-creates the HealthCare.gov splash page with a few modifications, including a big green “Abandon Hope, All Who Click Here” button where the “Apply Online” button used to be. Another new feature is a “See Error Messages In Your Area” button.

  • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

    In sooth, abandon hope.

  • thedumbblonde

    “Midway upon the journey of our life
    I found myself within a forest dark,
    For a straight forward path had been lost.”

    • https://twitter.com/davidjkramer DavidKramer

      Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Incompetence, I will fear no BSOD: for thou art with me; thy antivirus and thy firewall they comfort me.

  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/Captain-Americas-Wife/162958907243936 Captain America’s Wife

    I love the names the Twitter & Twitchy folk come up with for people. ‘The X-Files’ had ‘The Smoking Man’ and ‘Well-Manicured Man’. Twitter/Twitchy have ‘Healthcare Beard Guy’ and now ‘Obamacare Splash Page Stock Photo Girl’. Can you remember some other characters from the Twitchy archive?

    • John Howard

      Hard to top President Stompy Feet

    • AMERICAN Kafir™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈwhitey

      The Bro, for #Brosurance.

  • jukin

    and to think that there are people that day the media is not an Obama fluffer.

  • karmafordems

    Obama stock girl>>>Runs with Scissors

  • DizzyMissL

    Composite model

  • John W.

    If I’m not mistaken, the Stock Photo Girl’s real name is Julia.

    • Roto ✓Intentionally Left Blank

      Julia Forophore

      • Casca

        “ForaPhone”?

        • Roto ✓Intentionally Left Blank

          For-o-phore or 4-O-4 as in 404 Error

  • andycanuck

    What? No love for the two Asian women at the Obamacare Latino sign-in page? NRO racists!!!!11!!

    https://www.cuidadodesalud.gov/es/marketplace/individual/

    • David

      I just saw that, why didn’t those brain trusts use LATINO women?

    • moovova

      I have to throw out a huge WTF on those oriental ladies on the Latino page.

      ???????

    • Blake Waymire

      This brought to you by the smartest administration in the history of the human race, amirite?

  • nc ✓s & balances

    Can you imagine going through life, having total strangers constantly coming up to you saying, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

    • Roto ✓Intentionally Left Blank

      or, “Do you have any secret tricks to get into your stupid website?”

  • moovova

    For the millions of $$$ spent on TitanicCare.gov…

    …I wouldn’t be surprised to find out the splash page photos are all cut and pasted from an online photo service of some type…without paying the royalties.

  • gjsmith_62

    It was a dark and stormy roll-out.

  • David Davis

    The face that launched a thousand Slips, At least they didn’t put up the weird sister, Hillary, Janet, and Kathleen