It’s no joke. Via PostalMag.com, the United States Postal Service “will be destroying the entire press run [of Let’s Move stamps] after receiving concerns from the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition over alleged ‘unsafe’ acts depicted on three of the stamps.” The kid doing the cannonball is the worst offender, allegedly, followed by stamps depicting skateboarding without elbow and knee pads and a headstand without a helmet.

And if you thought those were bad:

More, please! In the meantime; a FLOTUS-approved replacement stamp has already been created.

  • http://reaganff.tumblr.com/ reaganFF

    I totally get the stripper one. After all, she has way too many clothes on. She’ll never earn enough money to pay her Obamacare premiums.

    • Texan357

      LOL @ the threadwinner (IMO) :)

      • nc ✓s & balances

        Agreed! It’s not all that far fetched, when you look at the recommended reading lists of Common Core. The girl is “expressing herself.”

  • The Masked Avatar

    Pole dancer my favorite.

  • Richard J Sunkle

    Guess I’m old school. It ain’t childhood without a few stitches and a metal slide reaching temperatures approximating the surface of the sun.

    • http://lordfoggybottom.com/ BlahBlah

      And just look how you turned out. A CONSERVATIVE

    • David

      A couple of posts today on Daily Caller made me laugh:

      “My mom didn’t even get upset when I came home bleeding. She just said, ‘You know where the bandaids are'”.

      And about scrapes and bruises, one posted, “And the lucky ones got a cast.”

      • AMERICAN Kafir™ ✓ certified

        I stubbed my big toes every other week. When the first one was just finished healing, BAM! I’d stub the other toe, and so on, over and again… I did a good job of it too. Most times, ripped the entire top skin of my toe off. My aunt slapped me silly, one time, because I was hysterical… but not about stubbing the toe, oh no… she was gonna pour peroxide on it!

        Dropped a pair of street skates on my middle toe.. (Before they made nylon wheels, there were metal wheels.)

        My parents nicknamed me ‘Grace’. Oh they thought they were soooo clever…

        • walterc

          Riding your bike barefoot, right? Ask me how I know.

      • NRPax

        When I was little, I became very familiar with the bottle of Merthiolate in the house.

        • ceyanne

          Oooh, that was my grandparents’ go-to whenever we endured any cuts or scrapes. I hated that stuff. Always stung like crazy. Thankfully my parents didn’t keep any in our house. We usually had Bactine, the stuff that DIDN’T sting. :o)

          • NRPax

            And yet we managed to become functioning adults in spite of this. Go figure.

        • CatHerder ✓fire! ✓fire!

          Wow, Merthiolate? We had alcohol or iodine. None of us wanted to call attention to a scrape or cut, that stuff burned like fire!

          • NRPax

            Nice to know other people share my trauma.

          • Clete Torres ✓ᵈⁱˢᵍʳᵒⁿⁱᶠⁱᵉᵈ

            I preferred hydrogen peroxide, but the parents and grandparents had other plans: Merthiolate, Tincture of Iodine or Bactine. May as well have just doused it in gasoline and set it alight…

          • Nim Turry

            The fire works well, what with the cauterization and all. . . .

          • ParasiteHunter

            We used acetone. Just kidding.

        • Clete Torres ✓ᵈⁱˢᵍʳᵒⁿⁱᶠⁱᵉᵈ

          Thanks for the whole-body shudder. I hated that stuff. That and Tincture of Iodine.

      • Shawn Smith

        Little kids are supposed to have skinned knees and the occasional bruise (maybe even a broken limb once or twice). If yours don’t, you’re doing something wrong.

    • http://reaganff.tumblr.com/ reaganFF

      “If you didn’t end up in the ER, you didn’t have fun.” — my sister’s husband used to say this all the time when we were growing up. That dude had more ER trips than anyone I’ve known before or since.

    • peteee363

      and then some idiot spills pop halfway down, and you flip over while sliding down as your shorts stick to the hot sticky soda patch. after you flip, you land face first in the dirt, get up and do it again!

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil ✓Mate

      I knew childhood was pretty much done when I didn’t have at least one knee completely scabbed over.

      • nc ✓s & balances

        Your new avatar nails it, as usual.

        • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil ✓Mate

          Thanks. My skills are not as good as most, but this small who can tell?

          • Clete Torres ✓ᵈⁱˢᵍʳᵒⁿⁱᶠⁱᵉᵈ

            I wish I knew PhotoShop, or someone that could teach it to me.

          • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil ✓Mate

            I did the circles and made the “Z” by right clicking and choosing “edit.” The other letters I took out of National and Park by making a box around them and copy and pasting.

            I had a Photoshop-type program once and couldn’t understand the features. I was once fairly program savvy, but then MS-DOS went away and I got Windows 2.0.

          • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil ✓Mate

            Here’s one for the Odontcare website. Remember what the 800 number was?

          • Donald-Now2x/Sarc-w/0calories

            Just type “Photoshop” into your favorite search engine and you’ll get a bunch of free sites telling you how to use it. I wanted to learn how to do it too and that’s what I did. I think you need Windows 7 or better to use it, but I’m not so sure about Mac or other Apple products, but the site will tell you what operating system to use. Good Luck and happy Photoshopping!

          • ParasiteHunter

            Not necessarily true about Windows 7. Photoshop came out before 7 even existed. I think you can get versions that would be compatible for just about any system. I have one that is at least 8 years old.

          • ParasiteHunter

            There is a “Photo Shop for Dummies” book. I have used the “Dummies” series for a couple things and they are great for those of us who don’t want to make a career out of whatever subject it is. But if you want to get serious just get one of the more advanced manuals and play with it till you get it right. I taught myself a little HTML programing and like everything else its not as scary or hard as it seems after you get started.

          • ParasiteHunter

            Tug, you did just fine. In fact you said EXACTLY what needed to be said.

    • http://twitter.com/archaicsteam Archaic

      Even I have scars from childhood accidents and I wasn’t an outdoors-y child.

  • http://lordfoggybottom.com/ BlahBlah

    Today I crossed the street without safety goggles. Is this OK?

    • Moejoe

      Not if it was partly sunny. Partly cloudy, okay.

    • MyrmidoNOT

      Yup.
      You weren’t caught, subscribed, or enrolled.

      You will survive. 😉

    • ParasiteHunter

      Made my night!!!!

  • David

    Funny stuff. thanks all.

  • Kyle Schroeck

    Laughing so hard that I cried. Knock someone’s punk ass out and the zombies were amazing.

  • JBDestiny

    Who wears a helmet doing a headstand?!

    • Emily B

      THANK YOU!!!! That’s exactly what I was going to say!! I guess I need to have a talk with my daughter’s gymnastics coach about all the headstands she’s doing with no helmet. Is it even possible to do a headstand with a helmet on??

      • Deidara True Art

        that was the question I ask my daughter? How do you do a headstand with a helmet???

    • Patrick

      this guy

    • Nim Turry

      I was under the impression that if you did the head stand and slipped, your neckspine would pay the price; so how does a helmet help? (except that it “looks” safer)

    • Angela Mendonca-Burch

      But don’t bother with it when playing baseball never mind a rock hard ball is hurtling towards their head. 😉 But handstands WHOA watch out!

  • JBDestiny

    How did the kid in danger of falling off of the rock get approval? And the one on the rope with no helmet, padding or safety line? In fact, I don’t see how any of them could have been approved- none of them are properly swaddled in cotton wadding and bubble wrap.

    • Patrick

      So true. Guess which 3 – I thought for sure, standing precariously on a jagged rock, would have made the list. but that’s liberal logic for you…

      • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

        Which reminds me..I didn’t see a Stamp for Mountain or Rock Climbing….. Oh Wait! They’re all closed because KING FINK OBAMA is throwing his little temper tantrum…. Jawamax 8<{D}

    • $2004855

      Most of those kids should have been pictured with four spotters around them, knee, elbow and shin pads and helmets on, and trial lawyers nearby. For safety.

      • JBDestiny

        And For The Children.

  • Garrett Gripling

    Where is the “Carrying Water for Obama?” That burns 4000 calories a day.

    • AMERICAN Kafir™ ✓ certified

      That would throw out my back. Too dangerous… you see just how much water those people have to carry?

    • $2004855

      Too metaphorical to picture… unless, of course, it was a pic of a journalist typing on his computer. Okay, they could have done it.

      But really, the journos do it without breaking a sweat.

  • sybilll

    This gave me a flashback to John Travolta as “Bubble Boy”, and I laughed my ass off. Seriously, if you haven’t had stitches, a cast, or a concussion, you are a wussified child.

    • therealguyfaux ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      N-a-a-h-h, I just had the odd scrapes and bumps.
      Musta been luckier than I thought.
      Or else YOU weren’t as lucky as I was.

    • Ted H.

      Holding onto a pickup truck bed on the highway, one hand on the truck the other on the bicycle handle. Knees locked to the frame, hunched over doing 55mph. No pads, no helmet…

      Stupid? You bet your ass! Lucky? Damn straight. Do it all over again? HELL YES

    • IBXNJ

      Still have them at 53!!

    • AMERICAN Kafir™ ✓ certified

      I always considered myself fortunate not to have broken anything as a child. Getting 5 stitches in my knee was hard enough to live through… I couldn’t DO anything… (it was summer time -.-)

    • Z_He_Lives

      2 out three ain’t bad,either. If you didn’t get stitches, a cast or a concussion, you weren’t a wussified child, you weren’t a child at all.

    • $29561723

      as clumsy and reckless as I was (and still am pretty clumsy) I’m amazed I never broke anything. I may have broken my tailbone skiing at age 12, but I never went for x-rays. Nothing you can do anyway. I dislocated my knee (3rd degree, other side of leg), got my scalp ripped open at the temple in a stick fight, got my finger stuck in a fishhook and stuck in floor carpeting, and fell into a myriad of streams, and used to try and see who could go over the top of the swing set 360 with my friends.

  • nc ✓s & balances

    I’m confused. According to at least one school (which means more to follow) all balls, except Nerf balls have been banned, and tag and cartwheels are out too:
    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57606514/n.y-school-bans-balls-at-recess-cracks-down-on-tag-games-over-safety-fears/

    • Patrick

      yep. My mom’s school banned cartwheels and tag…

  • Tessa I.

    Dang, my parents must have been downright abusive! Us kids built a mud wallow in the backyard, climbed (and fell off) the front porch, skated downstairs in laundry baskets and didn’t wear bike helmets. Yet I never had a single sprain or broken bone until I was 22, and that was just from slipping on some ice. Clearly I’m a phenomenon.

    In all seriousness, though, this is ridiculous. These people believe American citizens are so bloody stupid that they’ll automatically monkey-see-monkey-do and get themselves hurt unless Captain Government saves them. And my friends wonder why I’m a conservative . . .

    • Leslie Ward

      We had horses – can you imagine the mayhem that ensued with lots of children and horses – no helmets. Skateboards, an in-ground pool (not to mention the summer lake trips), bicycles, pick-up b-ball games, and of course my all time favorite 4th of July fireworks – all sans ‘protection’ and without adult supervision. Not to mention the decades of cross country car trips with multiple children stuffed in the back seat without car seats or even seat belts. And bravo – I love the Captain Government moniker – You can’t legislate morality nor legislate away death, injury or disease. It’s time that the sheeple understand that life isn’t fair, death (and bad stuff) happens and that all the Nanny State people are doing is about power and control.

    • therantinggeek

      Hmm…you know, that “Captain Government” gives me an idea…

  • jd

    “The kid doing the cannonball is the worst offender”… I must of done about a gazillion cannonballs as a kid…

    Turning our kids into a bunch of candy asses…

    • AMERICAN Kafir™ ✓ certified

      I did a 1 1/4 off the high -dive… (The 1/4 resulted in a belly-flop.) Didn’t feel all that great. Knocked the wind out of me… and I had to swim to the edge, lol.

  • Stu Gotts
    • Catchance

      Oh, perfect!

    • Deidara True Art

      OH! no no no no

    • voodoolife

      Bwaaahahaaaa! Fitting for this administration!

  • Thomas, Snarkmaster General

    What? No Sharknado?

  • cscape

    This “Let’s Move” Postage Stamp debacle is a perfect metaphor for the CF which is this Obama Presidency…. particularly indicative of this past 5 weeks

  • rambler

    I’m not interested in any stamps designed for any of Miss Shellie’s activities. I suggest she move her own ass somewhere out of the public eye and stay there.

  • aliswell

    And the woosification of our nation’s children continues.

    Solution: Homeschool, where your children will be educated rather than indoctrinated.

  • Ted H.

    “Dingo ate my baby” stamp?

  • Bathing Suit Area

    Hey, a twitchy article that seems to make sense, with funny tweets that are actually funny! Who’s have thought? Must be like stopped clocks and all.

  • sticker chick

    Should have had gun running with little Eric Holder busting a$$ across the border.

  • http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ Mike

    The First Lady may be onto something!

    • Netmilsmom

      Thank you. You make me giggle.

      • http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ Mike

        You’re welcome! I consider it a public service.

    • Al D

      Busted a gut on this one. Looks like a line drive!

  • WBee1 Proud Navy Wife

    They made the stamps without the o`s faces on because we wouldn`t know which side to spit on

  • Chrissy the Hyphenated

    You’re all just totally missing the point. If even ONE CHILD is saved from skinning a knee, this massive waste of taxpayer money will be totally justified. I mean … my goodness! THINK how many children USE POSTAGE STAMPS EVERY DAY! The psychological IMPACT of a CARTOON on a postage stamp is incalculable!!

  • CindyLu

    Are you kidding me?!

  • andso

    My kids don’t even know what postage stamps are unless its maybe something Grandma uses because she does not have a smart phone.

  • Z_He_Lives

    “Let’s Move stamps being destroyed over nanny-state safety concerns”

    Gee,I wonder whose idea “nanny-state safety concerns” are.

  • kblue905

    They removed all the brand new chin up bars at my daughter’s elementary school last year, because she used it as a high bar. A simple “please, don’t do that again” would have ensured that it never happened again. My daughter was only 7, a level 7 gymnast and had been training for 4 years, at that point. This year, we got a “fat letter” (she’s short, and solid muscle, just like all elite gymnast). I laughed, because isn’t every 8 year old with abs of steel and a regional events gold medal, a tub of lard!

    • ceyanne

      I keep waiting to get the “fat letter” for my kids, too. My 14 yr. old may have escaped it by now. She’s 5’11/160 and has been playing Junior Olympics club volleyball since she was 9. My 11 yr. old is 5’8/160 and has been playing JO vball since she was 7. If she follows the same growth pattern that I did, and her big sister did, and grows 5 inches in middle school, she’ll be pushing 6’1 going into high school. They both gained a bunch of weight in 4th & 5th grade going into puberty and then the upwards growth happened. They are both tall, solid, fit athletes but using that stupid BMI scale they get categorized as overweight, if not obese. I hate that whole BMI thing, especially for kids who are still growing and changing physically. There’s so many other factors that the BMI chart doesn’t take into consideration.

      • kblue905

        The supreme insult was that the gym teacher doing the measurements is “pussel-gutted” (to use a Faulkner-ism)!

        • rivers

          If I ever got one of those, I would be sure to send my own fat letters back to the teachers.

      • $29561723

        BMI is the most useless metric ever invented. According to BMI, Sylvester Stallone in Rocky (I) was “obese.” So was Arnold in Conan. I’m 6’2″ and 230, which by BMI standards is morbid. I could stand to lose 20 pounds, but getting down to 175 or 180? I’d look like Halloween skeleton!

  • sailwind

    Hopefully they are being replaced with the 2013 Obamacare roll-out stamps collector edition.

    http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/mailcall-2013-obamacare-commemorative-stamp-collector-set-t11701.html

    • $2004855

      I’d buy that plate block.

    • MyrmidoNOT

      You ‘forgot’ the amount…
      Two-cents each, or for the set?

      Or am I dating myself, currency-wise?

      • sailwind

        In very polite response to your putting in your two cents on the subject.

        The amount unfortunately couldn’t be determined in advance on the Obamacare stamps. That will be determined when the stamps finally and permanently received their well earned cancellation marks from the public.

        • MyrmidoNOT

          Nice. Vibram pattern acceptable? (Post mark.)

          My ‘slam’ was intended to be double-entendre…
          …anyhow, obamaDON’Tcare stamps are worthless.

          • sailwind

            “My ‘slam’ was intended to be double-entendre…”

            True and very nice one at that, as it did save me 50 percent off the old having to ask you the ‘a penny for your thoughts question’ :).

          • MyrmidoNOT

            In “my” world…WE control the narrative…
            hence obamaDON’Tcare.

            That is our message. It also is a fact.

            Keep up the parody…and the mocking.
            It is appreciated!

  • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

    Has anyone created a “Hold my beer and…WATCH THIS! (Redneck Activity series) stamps? XD LOL Jawamax 8<{D} BTW Pass on to Jeff Foxworthy:"You might be a Redneck if…. You shoot off guns and use explosives in lieu of Fireworks!" XD LOL

    • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

      I know I may get voted down for this, but I can’t help having these funny thoughts… Jawamax 8<{D}

  • capisce

    The activity with the highest risk – presidenting without a clue.

  • southernlights

    Having two boys I could have done brain surgery by the time they were grown! Taking out stitches was a piece of cake…don’t know how they survived!

  • Wag_a_Muffin (D)

    I need to refine my skills, but the idea is good.

  • Marcy Cook

    I ripped open my hand at school one day after running around on concrete. They called my mother and said I needed to be taken to the hospital for stitches. She said, “Nah, it’ll close up eventually.” She was right. Still have my hand to prove it too.

  • Marcy Cook

    I always rode my bike down flights of stairs. Loved it. No helmet, no knee pads, just me and my bike Betsey. Still here.

  • Margaret Manzi

    So, I guess we won’t see a hockey stamp.

    • johndd

      Nerf hockey is OK. Biggest problem is that the nerf puck only sails three feet at a time when hit with the nerf hockey stick. On the plus side, they are now able to do away with face masks.

  • irishgirl91

    My daughter is 22 and most of her schools banned tag, see-saws, jumping off swings, slides and anything that could be climbed on. The kids literally had tether ball and swings. Did I mention there was no PE and playground time was whatever amount of time you had AFTER you finished your lunch. No surprise that this is generation fat.

  • walterc

    When I came home with yet another injury, my Mom would say “why don’t you just cut your head off and be done with it?” Now my wife says that. Seems I haven’t changed much over the years.

    • MyrmidoNOT

      Obviously, you have not (yet) succeeded! 😉

  • rivers

    Why is it that the only kid on these stamps who looks like they possibly might be black is the kid playing basketball? Isn’t that racialist? 😉

  • MoJoGrande

    BB Gun and Rock fights were the best. And then there was the leather glove and circular saw competition.

  • World B. Free

    These are hilarious. Good job, Tweeters, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time!

  • disqus_glB3YKQ95H

    Wonder how much money we wasted, again, on a stupid Obummer idea?

  • BoscoBolt

    :)

  • John Taznar

    All I can say is the people worried about these stamps must not have experienced childhood.

    They also know nothing about protecting children from danger. A child who grows up never learning to recognize danger and respond appropriately turns into the adult who can’t handle the everyday dangers of life.

  • Sorceress

    Oh no! Kids having fun playing games and engaged in activities without full body protection. Oh no! How did the rest of us ever survive childhood without our full body protection. Doing a cartwheel without knee pads, elbow pads and helmets?? Riding a skateboard unprotected??? Aside from the asinine reason for trashing the entire run and the concomitant expense to the tax payers, the real Let’s Move campaign should be for the entire Obama family to “move” out of the White House. As soon as possible, please.

  • $25753324

    Where’s the Lawndarts stamp?

  • $25753324

    You have to understand that liberals are a fragile and sensitive ilk who are way too stupid to attempt any activity outside of preaching from their bully pulpit.

  • Bob Edwards

    lmao